A Few Good Men

28 May

n1589365573_40676_1098Male Bashing. We’ve all done it. We’re all guilty of it. Present company included. How could we not? The media has completely brain washed us for years. Practically spoon feeding us morsel by morsel of how there are no good black men and we gladly open our mouths wide, let the lies slide down our throats and politely ask for more. They’ve convinced us that our black men are all washed up, in jail, with multiple baby mamas, living off of the system, unemployed, under-educated, uneducated and some times just plain ole unmotivated.

And for the small percentage of black men they tell us that don’t fall into these categories, well they are just dogs. They are liars, cheaters, commitment phobic’s, with bad credit and venereal diseases. Let’s not forget those brothers living on the Down Low. Apparently you’d have a better chance winning a gun fight with a bag of pop rocks than catching a good quality black man. And if you believe that, I have island in the South of France I’d like to sale you.

Now forgive me for sounding cynical but I find that rather hard to believe. For several reasons: One, having been found by a good black man I know they exist. Notice I didn’t say I found him, but he found me. Now this is chuch for those who don’t know, but the man finds the woman not the other way around. If you’re chasing him and he’s running away, doesn’t mean he’s not a good guy, it just means he’s not the one for you.

Reason Two: Good black men are like produce in the grocery store. The apples will always be with the apples and the oranges will always be with the oranges. What do I mean by this? Like attracts like.  I notice that the more quality men that I meet, the more quality men I meet. No, you didn’t read that wrong. The general rule of thumb is that men on their BUSINESS like to hang around men doing the same thing. I know very few stock brokers hanging out with street pharmacist. So in essence it’s like finding the ant that just pillaged the picnic and is headed back to the ant hill with the goods…just follow it back to the colony and JACKPOT!

Reason Three: Being the mother to a beautiful black young boy and having friends who are also raising beautiful, strong black boys it worries me that this is the legacy that they are inheriting. Are they really growing up where people are expecting them to not be shit? I can count on both hands some exemplary examples of black men that I would be proud to have as friends, male role models to my son and mentors.

This brings me to the point of my blog aka THE HITT LIST. (I know, about damn time right!) My boss told me the other day that it’s fine to come with complaints but I better come with facts and solutions because no one likes a whiner. Well, I certainly can’t complain about other people complaints without my own cold hard facts to back it up. Good Black Men do exist and I am going to prove it.

For the next 12 weeks I am going to dispel the myth by conducting a social experiment of my own. Armed with my own charm, a digital camera, note pad and a single gal pal (bait) I am going to scourer the City of Chicago’s nightlife and art and social scene in search of  “A few Good Men”. My goal is find 10 good single quality black men from all walks of life and from all parts of the city to prove that they do indeed exist!

This requires a little audience participation so PLEASE, PLEASE don’t be shy. Ladies, I need your help here! What makes up a GOOD guy? I need to know, what am I looking for while I am out looking? And Fellas, I’m talking to the good ones, where are yaw’ll hanging out these days? What places should I be canvassing on my quest for the 10 on my Hitt List? I’m taking suggestions and as always commentary is appreciated.

Well there you have it ladies and gentlemen. My journey begins June 1st and by hell or high water I will have that list by the end of summer. So I guess the only question is who will make the list?


4 Responses to “A Few Good Men”

  1. Nikki June 1, 2009 at 5:14 am #

    Well, right now would probably be a bad time to ask what makes a good guy. Just about every guy that I have ran across, successful or not, have not been on their best behavior, including my husband!!! I have really tried to keep faith in the Black man, but I haven’t seen anything worth praising. Unfortunately, for some, I have grown up with an image of a good man being what I saw on TV-Heathcliff Huxtable. I thought I had gotten close,when deciding on a husband, but almost, i see now, doesn’t count.

    I am a mother of 3 black boys; the first two NEVER see their father even though his father’s OTHER children by multiple white women-whom he takes care of- keep in touch, and the youngest by my lying,cheating husband of 9 months. While I am trying to keep a positive Black role models in their lives, I fear that they, too, will be fruit from the bad trees. I try my best to ensure that they see how I struggle to go to school, work full time, and take care of their individual needs, so that when they are of age, they could learn from their fathers’ mistakes.
    A good man is just that- a Man. Not someone who doesn’t take responsibility for his actions. He accepts the consequence, and GROWS from them- not repeat them. He is AWLAYS honest. He provides for his family, and takes care of himself as well. He is polite, charismatic, and has a swag out of this world, however, he doesn’t use it to manipulate or tear down someone. He’s not afraid to lift his woman up. He doesn’t strip her of her self-esteem and confidence. He doesn’t rationalize bullshit. Most importantly, he loves the Lord and is not afraid to show it-yes, real men go to church.
    The next time that I set out to find a man, he won’t be good, he’ll be great! Until then, I’ll just be alone.

    • Joe Joe June 9, 2009 at 8:29 pm #

      I agree with your description of a good man… for the most part. You, as well as ALL women, should remember there is always an exception to rules. You’ve listed quite a few… criteria which I will treat as rules. Having said that…

      1. All of the following I completely agree with and ladies, this is the core of what you should be looking for at ALL times in a man.
      “He provides for his family, and takes care of himself as well. He is polite, charismatic, and… he doesn’t… manipulate or tear down someone. He’s not afraid to lift his woman up. He doesn’t strip her of her self-esteem and confidence. He doesn’t rationalize bullshit. Most importantly, he loves the Lord”

      2.Some good men take twice to learn a lesson depending on the severity of the consequences.

      3. IF you are ALWAYS HONEST then you have every right to request that of a man but if man lies to god (i.e. Adam) good luck finding one that won’t lie to you.

      4.”swag” should be considered a nice-to-have. STOP LOOKING FOR THE COOL SUCCESSFUL BROTHER THAT YOU KNOW CAN PUT IT DOWN BECAUSE OF HIS SWAG. Not every guy has swag (I do but someone has to stick up for the little guy;-) because some were too busy trying to “Take care of business.”

      5. Also, going to church MAY BE a nice to have but the real question is, “Where is his heart?” A dark heart is a dark heart is a dark heart and plenty are found in church every Sunday, Wednesday, Christmas Eve and Christmas… oh yeah, even in the pulpit.

      As for you Hit List Mistress, I’m sure I have plenty O’ suggestions on where to meet good guys (not that I am one but I heard them talking before) and a start is someplace you might go to better yourself. Some place such as the art museum, the library, the book store.

      I may regret this in the near future however I HAVE to throw in my last $.02 – Ladies whilst looking/keeping watch for this “Good guy” ask yourself what you’re bringing to the table? I know, I know, that’s so cliche but it’s a valid question. For a single man with no kids it’s hard to find the desire to raise ANOTHER man’s child so a “Baby’s Momma” must be exceptional when I think compatibility. A woman who is educated has to know how to handle the mean she’s dealing since even the most confident of us men have our insecurities and since you don’t know what they are (Don’t ask why he won’t just tell you) be careful not to step on them (the insecurities that is). My point is, maybe you’ve a good job, maybe you’ve your own home. That’s nice but that’s not all it takes, where’s your head at (no pun intended). How do you address issues? with yelling and cursing perhaps? Are you putting on a front as to who you are because of who you think he is? (we can see through that… some of us). Are you a patient person (ask a friend not yourself)? Sorry for my run-on Mistress but I enjoy this topic of MvW. Good luck on your adventure.

      Oh, one more thing. Mistress is absolutely correct in saying, “if you’re chasing him and he’s running away, doesn’t mean he’s not a good guy, it just means he’s not the one for you.”

      Incidentally, we men enjoy a little chase (both chasing and being chased) but few of us enjoy being chased obsessively.

  2. Ebony Shah June 10, 2009 at 8:02 pm #

    There are good men out here. I must confess, the one’s who wanted to go the distance with me, I didn’t want. It was always something. No attraction, small penis, no swag, I guess I’m just a physical girl. Don’t get me wrong, there are some bad boys out here that I’ve turned down over and over again. I would love for a GOOD black man who is TRUSTWORTHY, SMART, SPIRITUAL, AMBITIOUS TO FIND ME. But, like the men, I aint settling! No-one’s perfect, especially not me, but I can’t imagine settling down with a brother that I’m not interested in just because he’s nice. I have met a couple of seemingly nice guys within the last month, will see what happens.


  1. You ain’t got to lie to kick it. | The Hitt List - July 7, 2014

    […] A few years ago when I FIRST started this blog I started with a very idealistic, yet well intentione… I was so tired of hearing women bash men, especially black men. Forever being the optimist that I am, I wanted to do my part to eradicate the negative images of the men in my community. Being constantly inundated with “Men aint shit.” “All men cheat.” Etc. et al was becoming exhausting, annoying and overall just dampening my optimistic and positive spirit (God damn it). I’d had enough run-ins with men to know that they could be everything that these women had proclaimed. However, I’d also had enough experiences with men to feel that was the exception, not the norm. […]

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