May I buy you a drink?

16 Jun

I remember back in my single days getting dolled up to go to the social event of the night. Any email or text message titled “Black Professionals Event” was enough to send out a red alert to my crew to discuss who was wearing what, who was driving, how late we could get there and still get in for free followed by day long email threads on the last event attended and how we hoped this one would bare better results.

We’d all scramble home quickly to get dressed trying to work that “I look this good effortlessly” look even though we knew it took 2 hours getting dressed and the outfit we were rocking just had the tags ripped off. All this effort to get to the event just to stand perched at the end of the bar with the crew you arrived with for 2 ½ hours with 1 hour shoes on (ouch). All the while drinking $10 watered down drinks and watching all the eye candy either chat it up with their guys or the chick with the fierce weave and shoes you’d gladly trade Mr. Right for.

For years I used to pump myself up and say the very next time I went out I was going to walk up to a guy who I found attractive and offer him a drink. After all, what’s sexier than a sexy woman offering to buy a man a drink? It’s not a man’s ultimate fantasy by far (I believe that involves two women and multiple drinks but I digress) but I know many a man who’d appreciate the gesture. However, for all my pumping up I always backed down when the situation presented itself.

Last week, week two of my experiment for those who are keeping up, I was finally able to get some scouting in. I took my bait to an event and we commenced to do some scouting on some unsuspecting souls. I have to admit, I was little nervous. Not only because it was my first night out but because the shoe was on the other foot. My bait and I were where men normally find themselves. In the awkward position of walking up to a complete stranger and trying to not make an ass out of ourselves. But in all honestly, after the initial jitters wore off, I actually found it exhilarating and empowering. And wondering, why don’t women do this more often?

Now, I know in my original post (A Few Good Men) I said that women should not chase men and they shouldn’t. However, does that mean that we can’t approach men? Yaw’ll like that right? Well the men at this event certainly did. I met two candidates, one who made it to the interview process (yes there is a formal interview process) and both seemed quite intrigued by attractive women chatting them up and trying to get to know them. I think I might be on to something?

One of the traits I find to be attractive in men is confidence, not arrogance, but confidence. Sometimes we refer to it as “swagger” but it’s really self-confidence. Confidences in their appearance, in what they bring to the table, in what they have to offer and who they are as a person. When a man walks up to you and he’s confident in himself you should be able to smell it before he does arrives at your feet. And the confidence is typically what sales you before he opens his mouth.

Those same rules apply to women also. Women can do everything men do (I stop short at proposing but this is my blog so sue me) so why not this? Women work just as hard and can play just as hard. So the next time you go out and see a man, summon up your inner swag and walk over and offer to buy him a drink. I guarantee you’ll get better results than playing the odds and waiting to see if he comes to you. Either that or he goes home with Ms. Fierce Weave and Shoes and you get to wait for the next email or text and impending round of maybe next time. 

Until next time,

The List Mistress


2 Responses to “May I buy you a drink?”

  1. MOD June 19, 2009 at 10:36 pm #

    Hello Mistress,

    I must commend you on a very well opted experiment. I’ve noticed, especially in my single years (may I say I am in a very happy 5yr relationship with one of the men you speak of when you say “GOOD” man.. I mean it Mistress, he is just that and so much more. So ladies speaking from experience they EXIST!!…)men where very attracted to my aggressiveness. I agree with you, women shouldnt chase but like we are attracted to that confidence in men, they too look for that same “SWAG” in a women. My introduction to my “ALL THAT” boyfriend went successfully when I approached him at concert and gave him my business card. I think an approach of that sort or something as classic as buying a guy a drink ways out the “BS”. It says “I like what I see, and I’m letting you know that..” It allows a women to take control of the intial interaction without comprising a mans ego to be the aggressor. And we all know there’s nothing more sexier than a woman that knows what she wants and how to get it and still be a lady while doing it.
    I look forward to more blogs Mistress.. You’ve got my attention!



  1. The Bachelor(s): Chicago Style « The Hitt List - February 1, 2013

    […] at least know what’s out there waiting for me right? Has anything changed from when I wrote May I Buy You a Drink? Do the men still herd themselves on one side of the club like six graders at a sock hop waiting […]

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