Unsubscribe Me Damn it…

10 Jan

engagementThere are a lot of steps that go into planning a wedding. Outside of the obvious steps like finding an appropriate mate (I forgot the appropriate part..rats!), you have to do things like notify the family of your engagement, pick a location, decide on a caterer and a photographer, etc. It’s like putting on an awards show. And probably JUST as expensive. Let me not forget one of the most FUN moments though. Picking THE dress (or in my case two). I mean, it really is just like you see on Say Yes To the Dress and every other cheesy romantic comedy. When you put the dress on, you know. You don’t pick the dress, the dress picks you. It’s one of those moments you never want to forget. Until of course you cancel your wedding and then you REALLY want to bludgeon yourself so that you do.

Likewise when you cancel a wedding there is just as much stuff, if not more, that you have to do in order to cancel a wedding. Take it from me,  none of that shit is fun. You have to notify your family and  friends to which I can only describe as saying pulling my eyeballs out of the socket with a fork would have probably been more entertaining. Have you ever had that moment where you’re trying to be okay and you’re feeling pretty successful about the effort UNTIL someone asks a dumb ass question like, “how are you feeling” knowing you feel like shit.  Well yeah it’s sorta like that times however many people you invited to your wedding that you now have to uninvite.

angela-bassett-waiting(1)Once you’ve gone through those fun particulars and other stuff like cancelling vendors and reenacting the Waiting to Exhale scene where Angela Basset bonfires her ex-husbands clothes inside his convertible (that still makes me smile) you would think you are home free, right? WRONG. You STILL have to deal with the most annoying, persistent, aggravating task of all time.  The damn email/text/phone subscriptions that refuse to die.

Now when you get engaged you sign up for every Bridal, newly engaged, He loves me blog, I love him too, we’re having a wedding party websites that you can possibly find. It doesn’t really matter if you’re going to use it or not but you finally have the authority to click subscribe without feeling like a 50 year old spinster with 100 cats. Sure, I’m a bride you think. Send me all the information you have on bubbles and all of the other useless shit that brides buy. It’s all fun and games until it’s not. WHY? Because no matter how many times you attempt to unsubscribe there is always another list that you still remain on.

Mine would be the bridal place I purchased my dress from. Now, I have cancelled my dress 3 times. I have forfeited my deposit TWICE. I have even had the ex-fiance call hoping to elicit some sort of compassion so that they would just NOT contact me again. I mean, much as I write about it (its therapeutic .if you don’t like it bite me) I really am trying to move on and get past this little bump in the road. However, whenever I am NOT thinking about how much this sucks the phone rings and reminds me. You know, just in case I forgot.

“Hello?”, I ask unsuspectingly. My greeting is immediately proceeded by a chipper prerecorded message saying, “Hi, this is the Stupid Bridal Shop and we’re having a Sale. Don’t have your dress yet? Well come on down and let us make your dreams come true.” At this point I really want to yell every expletive I can think of (and I can think of a LOT) into the phone and slam the phone down. However, you can’t slam down cell phones (they really need to make an app for that!) and the prerecording can not be sufficiently offended thus my theatrics would be wasted .

So what do I do instead? Nothing. I’m hoping that like me that will get the hint and realize what I finally realized with the finance.. that I’m  just not that into them. Until then, I should probably save their number in my phone and label it DNA (Do Not Answer).

Sincerely,

The Mistress of All Things Fabulous

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5 Responses to “Unsubscribe Me Damn it…”

  1. Chi Bella January 10, 2013 at 6:09 pm #

    Reading your blog is like going to therapy! I love it!

    • thehittlist January 10, 2013 at 6:16 pm #

      Then that makes two of us! lol

  2. Mrs. Shah January 11, 2013 at 10:17 am #

    I’ve never looked at it on that end. I’ve got a bottle waiting for you when you need it. Tequila, Red or White, you name it.

    • thehittlist January 11, 2013 at 10:27 am #

      Well then my job is done. LOL..One enlightened soul makes the world a better place…LOL

  3. Chacolit1 January 13, 2013 at 7:55 pm #

    This is sad and hilarious. I hear the pain, the acceptance, and your positive outlook!! Kudos Mistress, good job!! **No looking back!!

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