Displeased & Dispassionate? Sat Down!

14 Jan

Fantasy-WomanI was driving in my car today running errands and thinking about where I am in my life.  Mostly how happy I am with the direction I see my life going. I was also thinking about things people have said to me over the years. What I’d like my legacy to be when I leave here. How I’d like to be remembered. Stuff like that. I came up with the following quote that I think I will write somewhere as a reminder to stay true to who I am.

I’d rather do something with 100 percent of my heart for half my life, then do something for 100 percent of  my life with half my heart. – M

When the phrase “Go hard or go home” was coined I was sure they were referring to me. When I decided to go back to school to get my bachelors degree I said to myself, “SELF! Part-time is for suckas! And you are no sucka.”  Not only did I enroll  full-time but I also proceeded to take 6 to 7 classes per semester.  Clearly more classes than I needed to be considered full-time  and clearly f**king insane to boot. I even had the nerve to be pissed when I wasn’t allowed to take more than 4 classes over the summer. Apparently , according to me, summer break is for suckas too!

Likewise when I came back to my blog not only did I decide to write daily but I wanted to do video tutorials on makeup, clothing tutorials and some other shit too. When I start planning a wedding? Yep, OCD time girls and boys! I bought a big 2 inch binder in my wedding color, created tabs, plastic sleeves and the whole shebang.  I created a website and got a new email address dedicated to our love (barf) and was probably well on my way to getting  a google telephone number. See. I am a firm believer that if you can’t go 100 percent, why bother.

This life philosophy of mine has resulted in having some undesired labels being placed on me. I’ve been accused of having OCD (but not by a doctor, so it doesn’t technically count) and being over the top. My LEAST favorite of all though would be being called ” extra” (definition: over the top excessive and dramatic behavior). I can’t even explain how much it used to annoy the shit out of me to be called any of the above. Though the intent behind these labels probably wasn’t meant to hurt me, they felt more like an insult than a compliment.

As I sat in my car today creating a mental timeline of my life I considered all of my random hobbies, business ventures, interests,  friendships, and relationships over the course of my life. I realized that I wasn’t being insulted by other people so much as I was being misunderstood. I’m not denying that I may not have over the top moments but in reality I’m just passionate. Probably more so than the average bear. My ex once joked that I don’t have a concept of what a hobby is because as soon as I get a hobby I turn it into a full time job. Not so much that it’s work, just that it occupies all of my  time! I tried to fight him on that until I realized that he was right for a chance. Sorta. 🙂

Now, there is a downside to being as passionate I am. The problem with giving everything 100% is that you tend to burn out faster. To put it simply, I’m more a sprinter than a distance runner. I do something pretty much until I can’t do it anymore. But what’s the point in doing something if you aren’t happy doing it any more. If the thought of it, the smell of it, the feel of it does not elicit a response that’s so instinctive and illicit that you feel it from the top of your head to the bottom of your tippy toes then why are  you still doing it? As adults, don’t we have enough things that we have to do? Like go to work, pay bills and raise kids (and in some cases care for parents). Why would you want to spend your valuable free time giving half effort to something you partially like.

Maybe my level of passion makes other people uncomfortable. Maybe it makes people who haven’t quite found what they are passionate about question themselves. Maybe that question or the lack of answer is a harsh reminder that they aren’t who or where they’d like to be. I don’t know. I can’t answer that for anyone but myself. What I do know is that doing what makes you foolishly happy is so much better than waiting to do what makes you foolishly happy. And right now, I’m pretty fucking happy. And just a tad bit foolish! 🙂

Sincerely,

The Mistress of All Things Fabulous

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