Gray Hairs on my Vajajay?!?!

16 Jan

vajayjayNow this may be a “little” more personal than my normal blogs so if you don’t want to read about my lady bits (male family members  this means you) than now is probably a good time to look away.

For the sake of keeping it real I have to tell you guys that I have recently start lying about my age. Now before you start judging me let me first tell you why. I am 35 years old and I will be 36 in July. NOW, I do NOT look my age and never really cared about getting older.  However, being 35 and NOT where you thought you’d be in your life has definitely affected me. I know it sounds super cliche’-ish but I thought I’d have a career, a substantial 501K, a husband and maybe a couple more kids by now (at least I’m keeping it real..don’t judge me). I feel like I’ve just figured out my purpose in life and finally figured out who I was.  Saying that I’m 30 with this new found revelation sounds hopeful and optimistic while saying this at 36 sounds really fucking sad. At least it does to me. Now I didn’t say it was a good reason, I just said it was MY reason. Again, don’t judge me.

So anyhow, I’ll spare you the lecture on mother nature. I will however tell you that every couple years around my birthday my body morphs into this older woman’s body. One year it was sweating profusely for no reason out of no where even when it’s cold. Another year it was the slowing down of my metabolism of course. I could eat a cracker for an entire day and still gain 5 pounds. AND lets not even talk about when PMS got real and turned into World War 5, 6 AND 7. BUT the worse of all of these offenses would have to be the gray hairs on my vajayjay (aka vagina).

Seriously, why did no one warn me about this shit! It’s bad enough I had to color the hair on my head to cover those bad boys. BUT gray hairs on my sweet spot? OH..ET TU BRUTE?  This is a crime. I don’t know how everyone else feels about their private parts by mine are like the fountain of youth. Everyone wants to get there because miracles happen down there. Gray hairs do not scream youth! They scream AARP in the voice of the elderly lady on the “I’ve fallen and can’t get up” commercial! So of course, I began on a mission to get rid of them fast.

First I tried just shaving them, but the only thing more unattractive than an old looking vagina is a bumpy ones. Hair bumps down there…SO not hot. Okay, what about waxing? Well, me being the budgeting diva that I am, I decided to purchase an at home kit and give it a go myself. Let me paint a picture of how this went. Take a jar of honey..heat it..now shellac it to your hair line. Now rip it off. Then spend an hour trying to figure out how to get the goo out of every place it was not supposed to go. YUP..that’s pretty much how it went.

My final coup de grace was plucking the little gray traders out. I’ll just let that sink in for a second because yes, I did say that I tried plucking my vajayjay hair. As I live and breath if I had never given birth I would not have thought that an area that normally gives so much pleasure could be the source for so much pain. With one foot on the edge of the bathtub and the other half hovering off the ground my hands took part in a very short, very unsuccessful seek and destroy mission. After about 5 hairs I was on the floor praying to any deity that would listen. I can not lie. THAT SHIT HURT.

So what’s a girl to do? Well..I’ve heard of this stuff called Malibu Betty that’s formulated for dying pubic hair. However, right now I’m single so I don’t care as much. And to be honest I’m really scared. It’d be just my luck I’ll break out in hives down there and look like a Planned Parenthood pamplet. So for the time being, me and the grays have agreed to make a truce. They don’t bother me and I don’t bother them. And should the time come where some man is lucky enough to visit the fountain of youth..it will be with the lights off.

*insert shoulder shrug*

Sincerely,

The Mistress of All Things Fablulous

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14 Responses to “Gray Hairs on my Vajajay?!?!”

  1. Yvonne Hinkle January 16, 2013 at 11:56 am #

    I shave it bald & I’m happy to say, NO BUMPS!! I was looking like a skunk with gray straight down the middle!! So not sexy. If you try the pubic dye, please share the results.

    • thehittlist January 16, 2013 at 12:14 pm #

      I may have to try the dye just so I can share the results! *adds to list*

  2. Ava January 16, 2013 at 12:01 pm #

    DEAD, DEAD, DEEEAAAAADDDDD!!!!! I LITERALLY LOL’ED AT MY CUBICLE!!!! Sweet Jesus this was funny!!!! OMG!!!!! Ummmm…you better nair!!! melt that hair off gurl!!!

    • thehittlist January 16, 2013 at 12:15 pm #

      Well..I do nair now…but it doesn’t remove gray outside of that area..so it’s more military crew cut…so short you can’t detect the grays..so far..so good..lol

  3. Eb January 16, 2013 at 12:34 pm #

    Try using a depilatory cream. Otherwise, just bite the bullet & pay somebody to wax it off. You should NEVER try to wax your own lady part!!!

  4. Anita January 16, 2013 at 12:36 pm #

    You ain’t no lie! Thanks bringing a little “real” humor to my day. 😉

  5. MaryMaryWhy-U-Bugging November 8, 2013 at 3:03 pm #

    This is too funny. Unfortunately I can relate to that trauma. Not to mention a few chin hairs…. Heller!!!?? Why didn’t anyone warn me.?

  6. Diana December 30, 2013 at 7:29 pm #

    I am 43 and have been dealing with all of this for a while. A bit of advice..no NAIR near that part. I was so fanatical about removing it and used NAIR and some went in and gave myself a serious yeast infection. I shave until I can find a good wax specialist. I keep the facial hair remover for that…and I shave my legs and sometimes my arms because of the one or two grays that pops up there as well. Not to mention I make sure to always apply mascara for the gray lashes. Man, gray hair ain’t no joke.

  7. Atlgagul January 13, 2014 at 8:01 pm #

    Lmbo…..this made my day!!

  8. big mack May 21, 2014 at 1:00 am #

    hey, I am a male and when I first saw grey hair at that area, back then as a young lad I was not expecting it . I was in my late 20’s and she in her forties and honestly I thought it was powder. So I then attempted to first dust it off but I soon discovered it was not wiping off.

  9. Tranace Small October 19, 2015 at 10:34 pm #

    I’m 27 and I have them I’ve had gray pubs since i was about 24 i think maybe a little younger than that

  10. JaMia August 7, 2016 at 5:40 pm #

    get a lady shaver and before you shave, sprinkle baby powder down there. Works wonders! 🙂

  11. ldybug77 September 25, 2016 at 11:53 pm #

    Has maybe the gray hairs being kind of itchy or irritable for anyone?I have them on one side of my va-jay-jay and that’s the side that seems irritable at times. More irritable than itchy . I just want to know if it’s just me or if anyone else has thus, maybe the gray hair because it’s courser causes it to be a little bit bothersome than the regular hair.

  12. Chatrise March 26, 2017 at 9:43 pm #

    Omg lmfao I laughed so damn hard real shit tho the waxing the tweezing i was in a million tears after I tried to remove my first gray on my vag I have 4 now lol an im single but i like sex with tye kights on how do i get around him not seeing my silver tinsel lol down there

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