The Architect, The Demolition Man & The Builder

27 Jan

*Spoiler Alert..If we have ever dated..please do not read. I am talking about you and you are not going to like it.*

I’ve been in say One Hundred Million Relationships. LOL. Okay, that is a slight exaggeration but I’ve been in quite a few. Over the years I’ve dated a LOT of different guys. Notice I said dated and not slept with. ( Don’t judge me and I plead the fifth because I don’t like the direction this line of questioning is going..lmao). Now from the outside, they may have all seemed similar. I can’t list all of the characteristics I look for in a man, but some similarities amongst them are  well dressed, successful and ambitious. (Yes, I see how this sounds, but stick with me for a minute and I’ll clear somethings up). I’m the first to admit that I had a LOT to learn about picking a mate and I also know that at times I focused on the wrong thing. But it’s not entirely bad. Sometimes the best way to find out what you want is to get what you don’t need.

So today I was having a conversation with my ex which left me feeling a bit miffed and a lot annoyed. Sometimes  talking to him makes me feel like I’m talking to a child. I know full well what I’m saying makes sense but I get the feeling it’s going in one ear and out the other. Sometimes people just have to learn for themselves. *sigh* Anywho, as I was attempting to keep from banging my own head against the car window I tuned out of the conversation and start having a conversation with myself. I began to compare the type of men that I have dated to the type I NEED to be dating. I must have been influenced by the Home Depot I was driving past at the moment because this is the list I came up with:

The ArchitectA

Architects are extremely valuable in the building process. They can conceptualize and visualize greatness out of a pile of dirt. They know where everything goes, what belongs, what doesn’t belong and can draw you a detailed map as to how to make it happen. They are dreamers and they are artist. And that is about as far as it goes. An architect will tell you everything you want to hear. “You’re going to be my wife”. They’ll ask you questions to make you feel like they are truly planning for the future like, “What neighborhood do you want to raise our family in.” But all Architects are good for is laying out plans. They couldn’t build a house with a life time supply of Legos. Why? Because building takes work and thinking about building is a lot easier than building. Ask an Architect what a hoe is an I guarantee  garden tool is the last thing that comes to mind. And a tractor is something used to get the hell out of dodge not to toil anybodies land.  Most of the architects have the attention span of a elephant and the life span of an ant. Ask yourself, how long have you been waiting on your mate (male and female) to produce. If the answer is forever, you may be dating an Architect.

John Spartan the Demolition ManThe Demolition Man

It still defies logic how I “The Nurturer” could have dated  a “Demolition Man”.  I would build it and he would tear it down. SMH. My only excuse  for this is that opposites do attract and maybe just maybe I like to fix people. (I’ll save that question for therapy, you just keep reading.) The demolition man is exactly how he sounds (and no I am not referring to Sylvester Stallone). He is great at tearing things down, including people.  A leaky faucet, rip it out! A scuffed shoe, throw it out. An ant infestation..burn that bitch down! LOL! With the Demolition Man what starts off as appearing like a dry wit and healthy dose of cynicism quickly turns into criticism and the feeling that no one and nothing is ever going to be good enough. A Demolition Man will not see a house in need of repair, he will see a house that needs to be totally reconstructed from the ground up. To the demolition man there is no such thing as a fixer upper or weekend project. There is no honey-do-list because you ARE the honey-do-list. Only problem is, you’ll probably find out too late. The best way to know if you are in fact dating a demolition man or ARE a demolition man is the “positive/negative” exercise. If 50% or more (and this is even HIGH) of what the demolition man says to you, about you or about others is negative, RUN. (Psychologist say that for every negative comment you make you should make 10 positive ones. If you fail that test… read this paragraph).

builderThe Builder

A builder sees the obstacles and the possibilities. Yea, the kitchen looks like it was time warped from Leave It To Beaver and you’re just waiting on Old Yeller to come bounding through the doggy door. But the Builder realizes that in order for the house to achieve maximal market value you don’t gut or tear down the entire house, you gut the kitchen and rebuild it.  Together. The builder may not let you install the tile and fuck up the entire floor but he may let you sand the cabinets so you are as much a part of the process as he is.  A Builder will celebrate your successes and help you learn  (together) from your losses. He will lend a hand when you’re down and not keep score as to how many times you’ve actually been down. A Builder will inspire and encourage without rejecting and depreciating you.  A Builder knows how to read the architects blue prints, he knows when a home should be tore down and he also knows when to build/update/repair. How do you know that you’re dating a Builder? I don’t know, but when I meet one I will be sure to tell you.

With love and hope,

The Mistress of All Things Fabulous


6 Responses to “The Architect, The Demolition Man & The Builder”

  1. Chacolit1 January 27, 2013 at 5:30 pm #

    This is AWESOME Mistress…. I’ve only dated one builder, he went back to his wife…. **Never really was mine to start!!

    • thehittlist January 27, 2013 at 5:52 pm #

      Then he wasn’t a builder..he was a contractor! LOL! More on that tomorrow! 🙂

  2. Mrs. Shah January 28, 2013 at 3:09 pm #

    Oh em gee. This is dead on.

  3. Tawala Dawid January 28, 2013 at 3:44 pm #

    Kimmah wow I found and married my builder, thanks so much for articulating it through your blog. As always you’re the bomb!!!

  4. SistaTV January 29, 2013 at 7:11 am #

    This is the motherfucking TRUTH… Can we get a petition going for dudes to get their types tatted on their foreheads? Cause getting our hearts broken by another fool ass, wack ass, Demolition Man??? Ain’t nobody got time fo dat.

    • thehittlist January 30, 2013 at 9:45 am #

      BWahahaha..aint no body got time for that indeed! I’m thinking about adding the Contractor and the Landscaper to this list! What other “type” am I missing?

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