Today I’d like to discuss a subject that is near and dear to my heart. A subject that has divided families and friends and created frenemies and enemies. A subject that has grown out of control and must be addressed and discussed before the remaining moral fabric of our communities is permanently destroyed. Today I’d like to discuss……
SMASHING THE HOMIES!
As defined by Urban Dictionary Homie Smashing is defined as the art of sleeping with a boyfriend’s, girlfriends, ex’s or homie’s friend. OR when you have had sex with an acquaintance of someone you are dating currently. Can also be used as a noun i.e. Homie Smasher, or as an adjective i.e. She smashed the homie.
In all seriousness, this homie smashing epidemic is getting out of hand. When I was younger, there was an unwritten rule within my circle. “Though shall not smash the homies. Period.” It wasn’t even something that had to be discussed. If my friend dated someone, kissed someone or did something on the bus coming back from a school field trip to Great America her junior year (don’t worry girl, your secret is still safe with me) that guy was off limits. FOREVER. If I dated a guy, kissed a guy, made out with a guy or touched his penis in any way not only was he off limits to my friends, but HIS friends were off limits to me too.
I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine about a year ago. She hit me up on Facebook saying “Guess who tried to push up on me”. Who I asked, getting ready for a juicy story. “Mutual friend” she said. Pause. WHAT? I said. You know we had a thing right. “I know now!” I’d like to say that was the end of the story but it wasn’t. See, said mutual friend KNEW that me and this young lady were GOOD friends. So he was trying to SMASH THE HOMIES. What happened to him you ask? Cursed, deleted, blocked. AND publicly treated. We don’t play that.
So I have to wonder is this a social networking thing? Has the fact that peoples personal circles and networks are so much larger than they have ever been at any time in history effected how we define social propriety. Has Facebook, Facetime, Skype, Twitter and Instagram effectually blurred the lines of what is and isn’t appropriate? I’m not going to make any racist statements BUT I do wanna say that I did not think this was something that people within my culture partook in. (Look that was the most PC way I could say it…sue me..lol). I mean, when that kind of thing happened in high school (or college) she was a hoe or he was a dog. Plain and simple.
Or does it have to do with age? The older you get, the fewer the options you feel like you have, the less viable candidates for happiness (or smashing) you feel like you will meet, so therefore you deem homies within appropriate smashing confines? Seriously??? Just yesterday, I was texting my sons father and he found it necessary to warm me about a friend/acquaintance of his. “You know he’s going to try and have sex with you right”, he says. *blank stare* I wish he could have seen the look on my face. “Why the hell are you telling me that”, I asked. “Do you believe that there is a chance in hell that I would EVER have sex with someone you knew OR that I would want to??” GTFOHWDBS
Listen, there are about 7 billion people on the planet earth. If you’re having trouble meeting people may you should try expanding your horizons. Try taking on a new hobby, say yes to something you’ve always said no to or maybe just work on your personal grooming. (IJS) Travel, visit local museums, get some culture. Make your self MORE desirable. BUT by no means, under any circumstances should you EVER smash the homies. (Unless, you’re like 70 or 80 and a widow and your friends and spouses are dead..then it’s okay..no one cares).
And for the love of God…please refrain from trying to smash me if I dated a homie. Unless you want to have about 1,000 people knowing how much of a douchebag I think you are.
The NON-homie smasher,
The Mistress of All Things Fabulous