P.S. Dear Mistress: Not-So-Bitter-Ex

4 Mar

P.S. Dear Mistress,

I dated a guy pretty seriously for a couple of years. We split on good terms, only now he’s dating one of my former associates (within 2 months of us splitting). The initial start and exposure of their relationship was extremely hurtful. Time has passed and I’ve moved on with my life. I find peace with the whole situation because I genuinely cared for him and ultimately I want him happy. He seems SO happy and I think she may be the woman of his dreams. Or so I thought.

I was recently told by a few people that they had split following a public altercation they were engaged in. My response to all of them was “I doubt it, he really loves that girl”.  Shortly after, I was out with a friend at a local bar and I saw her there with one of her exes. The same ex that has controlled her heart for years, the same ex that even after he married someone else she continued to see him. The same ex that she asked me to have a threesome with (I declined). At that moment I thought, well maybe they did split. I know she wouldn’t be that disrespectful, out fraternizing in public with this gentleman when most of the people in this bar know she’s my exes girl.

Once she spotted me she quickly left out, followed by who I guess was one of her girlfriends. A few minutes later her girlfriend re-entered the bar and told the gentleman “_____ said to come outside”.

Here’s my dilemma, I want my ex to know about this situation. They are still together unlike I previously suspected. Granted it may have been harmless and I may have read the situation wrong but I know what I saw and I know I wouldn’t want my guy out with his ex under those same circumstances. My fear is him rejecting the idea of ME telling him, I don’t want to appear to be a bitter ex, trying to damage their relationship, that wouldn’t be my intention…. I truly care about this dude and I don’t want him looking foolish. Do I say something or let the karma run its course?



The Chick that appears to be the bitter ex…..



Dear Not-So-Bitter Ex,

There is a fine line between wanting the best for your ex and still having feelings for him and honestly I am unsure which side of the line you fall on. While it is completely honorable of you to be concerned about an ex-boyfriend that you’ve remained friends with and his future happiness you’ve given no indication that you and the ex are actually still friends. OR were truly friends to begin with. You know my position on smashing the homies. Friends don’t do that to friends. So while I admire your loyalty, it’s displaced on someone who clearly doesn’t share your sentiments. A loyal friend wouldn’t have dated one of your friends after breaking up in only two months.

But friendship aside, in the words of Kevin Hart, Mind You DAMN ***********ing Business! The situation you saw may very well be what you suspect. She could be stepping out on your ex with her ex (messy much). She could be the trashy, homie smashing harlot that you’ve explained she is. BUT short of catching her on film in a Kim Kardashian-esque romp there is nothing that you are going to tell him about his lady friend that he would believe or entertain. If nothing else, it will make you seem like you are not over him and are just waiting on an opportunity to get him back and/or to get back at her. I’m sure that is not what you’re going for.

There is a saying I love. “When plotting revenge, always dig two graves.” If this is about revenge, just know that you’ll go down with the burning building. You’re out of the situation. You no longer have to deal with disloyal friends who have no concern for your feelings and a complete disregard for your personal boundaries. You’ve already extracted yourself from the situation. No need to put yourself back into it. However, if you just want karma to “run it’s course” then let it. Karma has never needed assistance. Besides, them dating each other seems like Karma enough.

Let it go,

The Mistress of All Things Fabulous


One Response to “P.S. Dear Mistress: Not-So-Bitter-Ex”

  1. nualapthatsme March 4, 2013 at 6:24 pm #

    Great advice

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