P.S. Dear Mistress: Caught in the Middle

4 Mar

If you are a friend of my Facebook page (and why wouldn’t you be) then you may have read my status from last night. I posted that I really want to start doing something like “Strawberry Letters” except I want to title it “P.S., Dear Mistress.” Basically, I am asking readers to write me anonymously regarding any situation in which they may want some loving advice and allow me to post it on my blog. No names or identifying information will be used. And of course, it is ONLY for entertainment purposes. I am not a shrink and therefore am not liable for anything I say. (he, he, he) Unless it’s awesome advice, which of course it will be, then I’m taking 100% credit!

You can email me at hittlistblog@gmail.com. You can send me a message via Facebook  Or you can submit 100% anonymously (even I won’t know who  you are) via my new tumbler account (thehittlist). I’ll post any letter and response I get on Mondays. Looking forward to joining in shenanigans with you guys! 

So without further adieu, here is our first letter! 

PS. Dear Mistress,

I’m friends with a guy that I have known for years. We’ve remained friends through a marriage (mine), divorce (his), new girlfriend (his) and children (both). One night while drinking he tells me, that not only is he cheating on his live in girlfriend but that he has another child on the way.

Two years later he has had another baby with his live in girlfriend and another on the way except this time the baby on the way is with his “side chick”.  He confides in me his decision to get a Vasectomy. However, now his live in girlfriend is calling me to complain saying she doesn’t understand why he wouldn’t want more children. He has told his live in girlfriend that he is never getting married again but she still decided to have a second child with him. So part of me feels like she asked for whatever he gives her. Do I call him on it? Do I tell her or do I say nothing at all?


Caught in the Middle



Dear Middle,

Oh, the great double-edged sword debate. This is what happens when you become friends with a friends partner/mate. You potentially become privy to information that you wish you had never heard because no matter what you do with that information you end up being disloyal. I hate to say it, but it comes with the territory.  If you tell her, you’re losing your friendship with both of them. If you don’t and she finds out, you’ll definitely lose your friendship with her and possibly with him too. (Especially if they stay together. Because then you are the friend who knew he cheated and didn’t say anything. No way she’ll allow you to stay friends.)

In all seriousness though, he should understand what a difficult predicament he puts you in by using you as his own private confessional.  Sure you are his friend, but I’m sure he’s aware of the connection you have with his partner. He knows he’s putting you in a tough spot but either he doesn’t care or he feels like your loyalty is and should always be with him first. And as much of a douchebag as he appears to be, he is right.

With that said, I’d probably have a talk with him. Without stating the obvious, your (guy) friend is trifling. Not only does he have a side chick but he had the nerve to get her pregnant. Tsk, Tsk. He better be lucky a baby is all he brought back otherwise we may be seeing your friend on a Snapped episode soon. LBVS.  As much as it hurts to hear the truth, if our friends don’t tell us then who will. If you feel like his life style is somehow detrimental to him (duh, but you draw your own conclusions) then you should say so. BUT ONLY ONCE and leave it at that.  At the least, let him know that unprotected sex can have repercussions that despite the best apologies and reformed behavior will NEVER go away or be forgiven.

Good luck with that,

The Mistress of All Things Fabulous

PS. Regardless of his lack of desire to remarry or his live in’s acceptance of that thought, having a person with whom you have a committed relationship and have started a family with is deserving of fidelity, trust and honestly. Unmarried does not equal unfaithful. Agreeing to be with a man who won’t marry you does not make you deserving of any mistreatment.


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