The Great Debate

7 Mar

**Before I begin today’s diatribe, I’d like to say that my intent is to educate and inform and not to offend. However, if conversations of a sexual nature make you uncomfortable, you may chose to read the back of a cereal box or a sticker or anything other than the following post. **

So there has been this video floating around Facebook care of Youtube. The video titled, “The Perfect Blow Job”, is of a young lady instructing viewers on how to properly perform fellatio. For the last two weeks I’ve been seeing this on some of my friends pages, both women and men. The commentary has ranged from “ladies step your game up” to “if you need a video you shouldn’t be doing it” to “men should just be happy that they receive it”. Today however, I read a comment that personally struck a cord. I’ll share the comment that a friend of a friend wrote:

” Too bad there aren’t any videos floating around showing guys how to perform cunnilingus. We all should try to do better……..But the difference between a woman who knows/thinks she is good and a man that knows/thinks he is good is that the woman would always try to get better. That’s why chicks go to blow job classes, pole dancing classes, etc. You never hear men reading or taking classes to learn new ways to please their woman. They ALL think they don’t need “any instructional video”.

Without telling too much of my business (or hurting any feelings) I have to say that most men who are bad at performing oral sex do not know it. These guys are COMPLETELY oblivious. You dudes think you are rock stars when you are not. And I’m not just speaking from personal experience. I have heard this from enough women to know that men who are actually REALLY good are the exception and not the rule. Not because it can’t be done, but because most men don’t try to be better. And to be frank, women are as much to blame for this as men are. The problem being that women are really, really good at faking it (Yes, YES..well really NO..but if I say yes will  you stop???). And when it’s bad we really just want to skip the side show and get on with the main event.

Most women have perfected the fake O face..IJS

Most women have perfected the fake O face..IJS


Why not say anything you ask? Well there are various reasons. At a certain age a woman may feel like it’s not her job to show a man something as basic as pleasing a woman. (Yes, it really is basic but women it really IS your job. ) Another reason? Women were not raised to be sexually confident and comfortable. On the contrary we were raised to be chaste and demure. So it’s something that women grow into and discover and most likely not until we hit about 30 do most women really feel comfortable sexually.  So actually saying “Do xyz to please me” may feel weird to most women. OR as a Facebook friend wrote, “I used to HATE oral because no one would do it right so I wouldn’t want anyone to go down there, it would actually turn me off”.

Now, before I continue I do understand that this does not apply to EVERY MAN and EVERY WOMAN so if it doesn’t apply fine. HOWEVER, the problem is that it probably DOES apply and you (YES YOU) are probably too selfish, overly confident and unaware to  know and/or acknowledge it. See for women, while we may not want to admit our faults, we are very quick to actually admit them anyway. Why else does  make-up, fake nails, fake hair, breast implants, oral sex classes, pole dance classes, billion dollar lingerie industry exist…I can go on but you get the point. So much of what women do is to make us either more appealing to men so we can attract the one we want or to better please our men so we can keep the ones we  have. And you know, there is nothing wrong with that. (Sorry feminists…).

However, what is wrong with that is that it is not reciprocal.  Men you need to step your game UP! Starting with, personal grooming. I know you think it’s cute to see how long you can go without shaving, but it’s not. We met you clean shaven,with your goatee lined up and on point and we want you to show up for date night (even if we are in the same house) just like that. We know you like to joke about your beer belly and the likes but if I can slave at the gym for you, you for damn sure can slave at the gym for me. A couple squats never hurt anyone and the smaller your belly looks the bigger your……………appears to be. IJS. AND Yes, we may see you every day, and possibly even live together; however, we didn’t stop liking the movies, hotels and fancy dinners. Can we please bring those back? Pretty please.

What you did to get her/him, you need to do to keep her/him. IJS

What you did to get her/him, you need to do to keep her/him. IJS

And for the love of all that is good, if you want us to learn how to tame your dragon you could at least learn how to make the cat purr (for real this time).  Helpful tip from a male friend of mine, “I watch lesbian porn for an instructional guide… FYI!! I’ll be damn if a chick gonna be better than me! Lbs!!”.  Now I’m not saying do that. But do something. 🙂

Sincerely Sincere About This Topic,

The Mistress of All Things Fabulous




5 Responses to “The Great Debate”

  1. myfw1920 March 7, 2013 at 2:44 pm #

    So I typed my first comment and it disappeared bc I didn’t log in so I have to give the short version. This epidemic of men not knowing, it is our fault ladies we have to tell them, we can’t hoop and holler like it’s good then complain, you just have to plain and simple tell them. Men LOVE GOOD SEX, and if he performs well, you perform well, and she shows up ready to GO!! You are doing a disservice to women everywhere if you don’t tell him, show him around a bit, let him know the hot spots he should check out. We owe that to each other, I think there should be an oath and here it goes “If I meet a man that can’t dine-in properly then it is my obligation to teach him proper oral etiquette before I allow him to inflict this suffrage on another”, when the song “i don’t want no one-minute man” came out brothers everywhere started trying to hang in there longer so they want instruction, they want to learn and we have to teach them!!

    • TheHittList March 7, 2013 at 2:47 pm #

      I take this pledge with you My Fashion Weekly! And I agree with you..its everybodys fault! SO lets fix it together!

  2. nualapthatsme March 7, 2013 at 9:03 pm #

    Huge applause for addressing this subject. Communication is key in all aspects of a relationship. If one can’t talk to their significant other about what pleases them sexually, then there’s a problem. Ladies and gentlemen never be embarrassed to discuss your sexual unhappiness or happiness. God intended intercourse to be enjoyable for both men and women.

    • Thehittlist March 7, 2013 at 9:08 pm #

      Yes! You are 100% correct! Its a TWO WAY communication. Both people need to speak up. I think in an effort to teach prudence, embarrassment was instilled.

  3. artisan219 June 11, 2014 at 9:20 pm #

    I see that this is sort of an older post, but since I’m here, and I’m still new to your blog, I’m going to post this link.

    If you’ve never watched Key & Peele, I highly recommend it.

    As a guy, I don’t understand this trend in other men. We spend all day, every day just thinking about naked women and all the things we want to do with you when we have you. Don’t get me wrong, I respect women intellectually, and I am a huge supporter for changing trends in the way people objectify women, but as a guy, I still think about it at least once an hour if I’m busy, and ridiculously more frequently when I’m bored.

    Guys, look, you are lucky to have a woman that wants you to touch her in her special places. The better job you do with that the more often she will let you do it. Imagine it this way: if your girl got you with her teeth every time she gave you oral, how often would you really want her down there? The better we as guys do with pleasing our ladies, the more willing they will be to have sex in general. I mean seriously, this is in our own self-interests as sex-obsessed perverts.

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