End of the Chapter.

22 Mar

chapter_endToday is moving day. After only 8 months I’m finally closing the chapter on a very long, painful story. I’m finally moving out of my ex fiancés condo. I’ve thought long and hard about how I would feel when this day came. Would I be happy, sad, angry, or relieved? Honestly, I probably feel a little bit of all of those things. However, the survivor in me has a hard time reaching those feelings. There are things to do. I have to pack. I have to clean. I have to wash. I have to move. I don’t have time (nor the desire) to breakdown. The show must go on.  Right?

But I have thought of this day for many months. Would I expose all of what I wanted to say but hadn’t? Would I reveal all the secrets that I kept guarded for the sake of keeping the peace or “his” peace of mind? No. Not today. Some day. But not today. I think those nuggets have to be healed before they can be revealed. And wouldn’t they be much better in a novel anyway..:)

But still, I’ve thought of this day for many weeks. The finality of it. Almost as if I was watching actors on a stage. Watching the final scene of a play. I sit amongst a hushed audience. There isn’t a dry eye in the room. They bid their final farewell from opposite sides of the stage, the mere distance of such a heart wrenching goodbye saying more than their words could ever convey. He exits the stage for the last time. And there she remains. No light can be seen save for the spotlight shining on her face. No words are spoken, yet we, the audience can hear them so loudly that I eventually cover my ears to protect them from the deafening silence. The light fades, the curtain falls and I wait for the applause. There is none. There is no audience. There is just me at the end of the chapter, at the end of the play, at the end of a very, long painful story.

But still, I’ve thought of this day for the last few days. The time is near. I’m ready. I’m more than ready. I sort through my things. Taking care to throw away anything that reminds me of him. The birthday dress. The cards. The perfume. I shred the pictures. I have enough memories in my mind, I rob my other senses of anything else that could conjure up thoughts of “what if’s”.

But still, I’ve thought of this day for the last few hours. I lay in bed wishing I could sleep for one more week. I wish I had more time. But I have a chapter to finish and another awaiting me. This book of life won’t write itself so I better get to it.


See you all in the next chapter,

The Mistress of All Things Fabulous


5 Responses to “End of the Chapter.”

  1. Vercinda March 22, 2013 at 12:00 pm #

    Beautiful you have me crying 🙂 Let’s go diva your new chapter awaits. I cannot wait to see what you do next. xoxoxoxoxo

    • TheHittList March 22, 2013 at 12:11 pm #

      I can’t wait it. (Basketballer..bwahahahaah). Thanks for reading, for sharing..most importantly for being a friend. Love you..can’t wait to hang out this summer. *trouble*

  2. Autumn Skye March 22, 2013 at 12:17 pm #

    Congrats on your new chapter… Stay fearless, continue to grow and the rest will be a blur.. PS I love your blog posts…

    • Thehittlist March 24, 2013 at 12:25 pm #

      ♥♥♥♥Thank you Autumn! I promise to do just that. Thanks for the blog love!

  3. nualapthatsme March 23, 2013 at 8:17 pm #

    Oh Kimmah……hugs my love. Here’s to new beginnings!!!!!!!!!!!!

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