Epilogue In the Middle.

27 Mar

ImageGod is good. I could probably end my post like that but I’ll continue.

I’m not here to convert anyone. I’m not about to get all scriptural either. I try to keep my posts on topics of love, hope, life and stay away from politics, religion and sexual preference. To each his own I say. I was raised a Muslim, went to Catholic School, converted to Non-Denominational Christianity and have friends that range from Atheist to Buddhist. The only thing I’m missing is a white gay couple with an adopted Asian baby. Just to be clear I love and accept everyone.

But I have to share. These last few months have been a freaking mess, as you all know. Keeping my head held high as life and people in it did their best to strip any sense of peace of mind, hope, love or joy I had was probably the greatest challenge of my life. It’s so easy to smile and be optimistic when life is great but when the going gets tough, that’s when you learn who you are and what you’re made of.  When life is good it’s like floating in a shallow pool. All you have to do to get out is stand up and walk in any direction. Hoist yourself out, towel yourself off and go on your merry way. But when life is rough, it’s like being dropped in an ocean. You have no idea where the shore is, there is no boat to be seen and you can’t look down because not only do you not know how far down is but you have no idea what lurks beyond your eye sight.

I’ve spent a lot of the last few months taking stock of who I was, how I’d gotten to where I am, where I wanted to be and how the hell I was going to get there. I assessed my relationships, my friendships, my choices, my goals, my finances, my habits, my fears…everything. No rock went unturned. In some cases I had to learn how to value who I was and in other instances, when I didn’t like who I was, I worked on changing or improving myself. I’ve had more peace in this, the darkest place in my life, than I have in the best place of my life. Sometimes when you have nothing, the only thing that you have left is faith. And that has seen me through to today.

I’m not broken and I’m not brokenhearted. I’m haven’t given up or given in. I’m not angry or sad and oddly enough I’m not even hurt. I loved, but there was no loss. How could there be when I have found myself in the process. Even on the last day, as I made the bed we had shared together and placed the keys in it’s center I wrote him what would be my last love note, “I forgive you.” Simple and to the point.

This is sort of like my epilogue. Closure I suppose. They normally go at the end of the book but I figured the middle sometimes needs closure to so you can get on with the rest of the story. I’m getting on with the rest of my story. I was offered a great job today, and I’m taking it. If this is any indication of what’s to come..I can’t wait to see what else is in store for me!


The Mistress of All Things Fucking Fabulous!


2 Responses to “Epilogue In the Middle.”

  1. Esh SoGlam March 27, 2013 at 3:15 pm #

    Congrats Girl!!!! I am truly HAPPY for you..God loves to add an element of surprise cause he likes to keep you on your feet. Keep believing him and let him show you the way.

    • TheHittList March 27, 2013 at 3:19 pm #

      You are SO RIGHT Esh! Thank you so much for all of your love and support. You guys really got me through. I will keep believing in HIM and letting HIM surprise me.

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