Courting in 2013..TOTAL BULLSHIT

5 Apr

“I HATE YOU DUDE.”  This is me talking to my ex fiance. LBVS

I can forgive my ex for a lot of things, but this is not one of them. DATING IS SOME BULLSHIT. Thanks for nothing.

Okay, before I start sounding like a bitter, single woman let me just clear something up. I’m single, not bitter. Now let’s move on.

I can recall what the dating scene was like before I dated my now ex. I had a string of flings (not necessarily sexual) that lasted 89 days or less. I learned that most people can’t put on a facade longer than 3 months so that’s typically how long it took me to eliminate a guy from my roster (yes, women have them too!). However, in between the interview process, I’d find myself out for a night on the town with my friends and notice this weird thing happening.

From the urban thugs to the urban professionals, I’d see women arrive at a bar or club or lounge decked out in all their glory and blister inducing shoes. Hair did, nails did, everything did..did. The men, however, would be sitting in clusters sprinkled throughout the location consorting with each other. It was like a flash back to the 7th and 8th grade Sock Hop. Except the girls were by the punch bowls (bar) and the guys were sitting/standing at the rows of chairs (booths/wall). If the women didn’t approach the men or at least get close enough to make a customary arm grab and “damn girl you fine” easy and effortless then you could easily leave without having even the most basic of conversation with a person of the opposite sex.

Come on bro..let's do our dance routine. That'll turn them on for sure!

Come on bro..let’s do our dance routine. That’ll turn them on for sure!

Six years later the game has NOT changed. In fact it’s gotten worst. I went out for drinks with my sister last week and it was like De Ja-freaking-Vu. It was the The Sock Hop scene all over again. In addition to that men text now instead of calling. They wait for you to “contact” them and invite them out instead of asking you out on a proper date. They want you to meet them instead of picking you up. And my favorite, “Why don’t you just come over and chill. I got some Redbox movies.” Shit, do you have to go DUTCH now too?

It seems that all this talk about “shortage of good available black men” has exacerbated an already out-of-order situation. A man with good credit, a job and no kids is supposed to be liken to Unicorns and Leprechans. So some women, desperate for catching a “good one” are catering to the every whim of these men. Making themselves overly available. Opening their legs and their wallets  in attempt to buy love. Jumping through hoops in an attempt to “get chose”. BUT not only are they doing it to the good catches, the bad catches are benefiting from this too. It’s the gold standard of dating. “Hey I know I just met you girl, buss it open.” Pfft.

Hey single, solitary available man in the whole universe. We're coming for you. And yes, we look like this ALL the time!

Hey single, solitary available man in the whole universe. We’re coming for you. And yes, we look like this ALL the time!

The  value of a person does not lie in their wallet or between their legs. If yours is OR if you feel that that is where someone elses value lies then I’m going to need you to have several seats in the waiting room and think about the several life’s you need to be getting. 

Maybe I’m “old-fashioned” but I still believe in the old fashioned definition of courting. Courting n : a man’s courting of a woman; seeking the affections of a woman (usually with the hope of marriage). Granted, everyone you date is not going to be your husband or your wife but nor should they be your sexual partner or financier.

This is my philosophy and I GREATLY suggest you use it as well. If you’re a woman, be the type of woman you’d want your son to bring home and date the type of men you’d expect your son to become. If you don’t want your son being a drug dealer or some 40 year old sleeping in his mamas basement who can’t keep a job…guess what’re dating WRONG. If you’re a man, you should only treat a woman, how you would expect for your DAUGHTERS, SISTERS and MOTHER to be treated. So the next time you ask a woman to bust it open, p pop on a hand stand or play a friendly game of  “just the tip”..think about your daughter and see if that still feels like a good idea.

Mom? Dad? Should I do as you say or do? I'm confused!

Mom? Dad? Should I do as you say or do? I’m confused!

Disgustedly yours,

The Mistress of All Things Fabulous


One Response to “Courting in 2013..TOTAL BULLSHIT”

  1. Ebony April 5, 2013 at 1:12 pm #

    Welcome to dating in Chicago! I love this post sis..Maybe your raw honesty will promote change! I still have faith in black love and togetherness. We have to be the change we want to see! Xoxoxo

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