Parenting is life school..everyday…

7 May

“He’s not bad, he’s ACTIVE!”

On any given day I would hear those words uttered within reasonable proximity of my mother and little brother. It didn’t matter where we were or what we were doing, “He’s not bad, he’s ACTIVE!” was immediately followed by, “What did he do now?”

See my brother gave busy a WHOLE different definition. After he saw Karate Kid, he thought he was Ralph Macchio. That one leg finish him kick was practiced on any and every kid in our elementary school. When he saw Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles every house hold item that wasn’t tied down became a weapon for destruction. The card board inserts of the paper towels became nun chucks. When he met my bff’s brother it was not even 5 minutes before he was jumping from the bed to karate kick him WWE style. He was RELENTLESS.

I won’t even mention all the trouble he got into at school because of his behavior. (HE MAY KILL ME). I used to say to my mom,” He’s not active mama, he’s BAD. B-A-D”. As his big sister it was my job to tell my mom like it was. Or so I thought. BUT a mother knows best indeed. I would ask her why she would refuse to call or even refuse to let anyone else call my brother “bad”. After all it was just a word, right?

I honestly don’t know how my mother did it. Not only did she have my brother but she had three daughters that repeatedly acted as if they were losing their damn minds. BUT she was always the protector, she was very mindful of what she spoke over her children and what she allowed to be spoken over them as well.

When I was in the 8th grade, I accidently burned down my house (another story, another day..shit happens..don’t judge me..lol). Not only did my mother NOT scold me, she never brought it up again and FORBID anyone in my family from bring it up to me. EVER.

POST-breakup, me and my ex-fiancé are still co-parenting my son together. For as horrible a boyfriend/fiancé he was (lol), he’s on the spot with parenting. Today we were having the usual conversation about how gawd awful my son has been behaving. As much as I love my son I swear he is the best form of birth control I could ever hope for. Not to mention he is a teenager and I haven’t met a teenager that I liked (including myself as a teen). He drives me crazy at least 10 times a day. I think being a single mom and not having another parent to bounce my frustrations off of for so long made it easy to bitch and moan and complain about my kid. BUT today I had to catch myself…

Today my son did something that frustrated us. While we were discussing how to handle the situation my ex admitted that he expected that to happen. Much as I’d have liked to check him on “his expectation” I realized that I felt the same way. Because my son is constantly in trouble, we’ve fallen into this cycle of “expecting” him to get into trouble. And because of that, we never truly give him a clean slate or a fresh start. Just because he gets bad grades doesn’t mean he’s a bad kid, just like being bad at home doesn’t mean he’s a bad student. But because he’s treated like he’s “bad” all the time, he’s begun playing the part. If you keep telling someone that they aren’t going to be shit eventually they won’t. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. And that is NOT the type of thing anyone should be speaking over their children. ESPECIALLY NOT ME AND MINE. Lesson learned.

I guess it’s the same as don’t talk shit about your mate or keep family business in the family because what you say of them, long after you’ve forgiven them, others will still think of them. It’s a stigma. And it sticks.

So from here on out, I will guard my mouth about my child. I always say, “Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks” and I don’t want him to ever think or feel that my words are a reflection of what I really feel about him.

black-boy-students

If we pigeon hole our children, so will the world, so will everyone else, and so will they. Do not pigeon hole your children into being a failures.

Apologetically yours,

The Mistress of All Things Fabulous

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4 Responses to “Parenting is life school..everyday…”

  1. Renita May 7, 2013 at 6:30 pm #

    Here’s me over here, celebrating this!

  2. Daniella Davis May 7, 2013 at 6:42 pm #

    I really needed to read this today because I feel that my five year old daughter is the child from hell at times. I try to be as postive as possible with her behavior but at times I resort to calling her bad and yelling and comparing her to her brother. I know eventually if I keep allowing myself to speak negativity over her she really is going to turn into this demon child. I recently moved back home and I am constantly being criticized about my parenting skills,because they feel I am to soft on them. Maybe I am because I feel guilty because their fathers are not playing an active role in their lives,but I am going to start practing a diffrent approach with her behavior and keep her busy so that her creative mind wont get her into any trouble..Thanks I always take something postive from your blogs..

    • Thehittlist May 7, 2013 at 6:52 pm #

      Thanks girl. Kids are a LOT of work. Then you top it off with their expectations of you, yours of them and everyone else expectations of how you should parent and how your kids should perform/behave. I’m going to find me and Dylan a bible verse to memorize to cover our relationship. Maybe you could try that. I’ll be praying for you… ♥

  3. ~Moni~ May 9, 2013 at 3:18 pm #

    I feel you! My daughter started high school this past year and she wasn’t doing so well (excessive tardies, leading to bad grades) . Well fast forward to the end of the 3rd quarter, report card pick up, and I didn’t expect her grades to improve; I had subconsiously expected the worse. At the time, I didn’t realize that I was doing that. Although my heart ached, my tears flowed (some for me feeling like a failure as a parent), my constant prayers expressed to God, I still expected the worse. Ironically, I never expressed it out loud. Thanks Mistress for your vision.

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