My no good, horrible very bad morning

29 May

Have you ever had one of those mornings where you wake up and you think today is about to be some bullshit.

Well today was pretty much that day for me.

I should have suspected something last night. When my attempts to get a good night sleep on my sofa in leui of my handy dandy inflatable mattress, were thwarted by my psychotics dog insistence to continually run to the patio door and bark at the top of his lungs at some invisible intruder. After only a solid 20 minutes of deep slumber and being jarred from said sleep, I nearly Jet Lee flipped over my sofa in a fit of panic. Of course this happens just in time for me to look up at my dog standing at the patio doors. He chooses this moment to look up at me innocently as if to say, “Can you please be quiet I’m trying to scare off the intruder.” I vacate the couch in search of the inflatable mattress.

“Fine. Let’s just go upstairs. I hope you’re happy,” I say to my dog in my annoyed voice. He simply looks up amused as if I have finally listened to reason. “Asshole..” I murmur under my breath. I swear he smirked. Sigh. Maybe within the confines of my bedroom he will be quiet and I can get some much needed sleep.

Bad to the bone.

Bad to the bone.

Alas, that was not the case.

Apparently, the intruder followed us up the stairs. And by intruder I mean thunder storm. At least twice during the middle of the night crazy psycho dog starts barking, yelping and growling “near” the bedroom door. “Shut the hell up! I’m trying to sleep”, I yell out in frustration.  He finally calms down and climbs into his comfortable doggie bed (which I have now decided to hide tonight..let’s see how he feels when HE doesn’t get a good night sleep!). We eventually settle in for a couple of hours of uninterrupted sleep.

At 5:40 my internal alarm goes off and I get up and prepare for my run. For the last two weeks I’ve been running every other day, if not every day. I relish these runs where I get to clear my head and get the blood pumping through my body before the start of the day. However, when I woke up this morning and the first thing that ran through my head was, “Fuck this run” I should have taken it as a sign to abort the mission, go back to bed another hour and give it a try tomorrow. Of course I didn’t.

I’ll spare you the play by play of the degradation of my “quick” 2 miles run that turned into a “long” 3 ½ mile walk. Suffice it to say that a wrong turn was taken somewhere and I got lost. After looping through the maze of mini mansions were the well-to-doers live and abandoning my run one mile in for a walk, I finally emerge onto the main road almost exactly where I had turned back thinking I was headed home 1 mile ago. Great! Now I’m running late for work.

I get home and my dog aka nemesis is impatiently waiting for his walk. Fine let’s just get this over with, I think. I grab his leash and we head out to our subdivision so he can relieve himself. Of course he picks this day to take 5 million years to do his business. “Dude, what the hell! Are you sightseeing? We were just here last night!” I say loudly. (And yes, I do realize I am having full conversations with my dog now).  As if in response to my annoyance he takes that moment to break free from the leash and scamper towards the pond and a family of ducks. I literally have to grab his tail to keep both he and I from falling face forward into the pond.

SMH.

I could go on but I won’t. I won’t go into details about how I fell in the shower this morning. I won’t tell you how my formally gorgeous natural  hair shriveled up so I looked liked the character Pat on SNL. I wont tell you how said hair, refusing to be combed or tamed left me no choice but to don a wig tied down by a colorful scarf just to keep in “secured” on my now helmet head. I won’t even tell you how just as I get out the car to my office I stepped in the biggest puddle of water I’ve ever seen that I am convinced materialized out of no where just to piss me off.

Pat

What I will tell you is that I am having a no good, horrible very bad morning and I really just wanna go back home and go to sleep!

*welp*

Annoyed,

The Mistress of All Things Fabulous

 

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3 Responses to “My no good, horrible very bad morning”

  1. Anita May 29, 2013 at 9:55 am #

    Girl! I’m with you. I think the planets are aligned AGAINST us Cancers this morning. Bad sleep, broken elevator, put my hand straight into a cob-web while I had shampoo in my eyes, broken flip-flop while running to car, and the obvious–LATE FOR WORK…this too shall pass…I hope!

  2. Tracie Mae (@TracieMae) May 29, 2013 at 9:56 am #

    Aww nawwwwl. I sowwy. But as dog parents, we’ve ALL had that morning (except the falling in the shower part). On Monday, my dog ManMan had stuff spewing from BOTH ends…all over my house. I spent the entire day cleaning, scrubbing, and using all my damn paper towels. O_O. Question though…why don’t you take your dog with you on your morning run? You can kill two birds with one stone and tire him out at the same time. Try that and see if his behavior gets a little better. A tired dog = a happy dog parent.

  3. TheHittList May 29, 2013 at 10:20 am #

    Thanks girls. Sometimes we just have “these” kinda days. They make us appreciate the really good ones. I’ll suck it up. Writing about it did make me feel better. Tracie my little guy tinkers out. He can’t (or won’t,,,lol) run with me. He didn’t get his walk yesterday because he was acting out. I’m sure last night was just pay back. LOL

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