This morning as I was preparing for work and reflecting back on the last week I thought man dating sure is interesting. (Actually it went more like dating is some mutha **** bull**** and I ****ing hate this ****). It’s been a while since I’ve actually been single long enough to have to go through the whole getting to know someone process. That awkward moment after you’ve exchanged numbers and you’re thinking now what? Now that I’m tasked with jumping back in the dating pool I realize that most of the people out here have even less an idea what they’re doing than I do!
Maybe I’m idealistic but I think of dating as more like a process. Sorta like baking a cake. When you bake a cake you shift the flour, fold in the ingredients, warm the oven, bake the cake until the tooth pick slides out easily, let it cool and then ice that bad boy! If you miss a step you end up with a pile a slop. However, I feel like most people either want to either microwave the cake or wait for the cake to make itself. SMH
With that said, I’ve decided to share some rules from my dating 101 rule book:
Rule #1 Don’t be thirsty: It’s okay to show interest. It’s okay to make your sincere interest known. It’s okay to initiate calls, texts or dates etc. This goes for both sexes. HOWEVER, if the object of your affection isn’t reciprocating, they aren’t interested! People don’t play hard to get when they see something of value they want. THEY POUNCE. PLAIN AND SIMPLE.
Men, a woman who isn’t interested will not become interested IN YOU just because you start telling her about how much you make, what you drive and what you can financially provide for her. (And no, not even a picture of your package will sway her, though her girls will get a good laugh from it). Women, a man will not become interested in you just because you text him explicit pictures and describe all the raunchy things you’ll do to him. Stop being average. As my friend “K” said, “It’s not cute and it’s not funny”.
Rule #2 Say you’re not interested with class: This is probably the suckiest part of dating. Getting to know someone only to realize it’s just not a good fit sucks elephant balls. But for whatever reason you aren’t interested, the other person deserves to know. Dating is like job hunting, you never know who the other person knows and if/when you’ll need their referral.
And by all means do it with respect. The same respect and courtesy that you gave a “potential” suitor should still exist after you’ve decided you’re going to take a pass. Do on to others people. It’s that simple.
Don’t burn bridges unless you’re a damn good swimmer.
Rule #3 Know what you want and what you’re worth: This is probably the MOST important rule of all. Think about going to the grocery store. Imagine a trip when you have a grocery list. You may get a few items you didn’t intend on buying but chances are you got all the important stuff on your list. Now think of that same trip without a list. Where you find yourself a slave to the end cap promotions (2 for $5 deals always get me. Toothpicks on sale! YES! smh) and walking aisles like a Walking Dead Zombie…aimlessly looking for that thing that you know you need but can’t remember and find yourself with a bill higher than you expected to pay and nothing of any value in your “cart”.
I’m not saying make a list of impossible qualities that are impossible to fill, but be real with yourself. If you aren’t interested in settling down with a woman with kids, dating a woman with 3 with no intent to be serious is cruel. If you know you want to get married, don’t date someone who says they don’t. Going with the flow is great, but wasting your time and others is not.
Alright, schools out. Back to work everyone.
The Mistress of All Things Fabulust