4 Reasons why you aren’t happy

2 Aug

4 Reasons why you aren’t happy

#1 You’re not true to yourself

be true to your selfI used to be the ultimate people pleaser. Jumping through hoops and bending over backwards was my specialty. If someone said something to me that I didn’t like, I’d keep quiet to avoid making a scene. I was more concerned with keeping the peace then having inner peace. I epitomized passive-aggressive behavior and I was miserable. Why? Because I felt like if I did everything for everyone then no one would ever leave me. (Daddy Issue please meet Abandonment Issue). I’d be the best friend, the best girlfriend, the best lover, the best everything the people I loved needed or wanted so that they would not be able to live without me.

But people still left. Or didn’t appreciate me. Or betrayed me. Or hurt me. Not because they were horrible people and not because I wasn’t awesome. It was because I never required anyone to meet my needs because I was too busy meeting theirs. And then a few years ago, I began to change.

It didn’t happen overnight. It was a slow, gradual process. And it was painful. I lost some friends along the way. Some people couldn’t take the new me that prioritized my happiness over theirs. Some people were offended by me putting me first. How dare I? But in learning how to speak up for myself, people actually began to value me more, respect me more and my relationships improved. And the people I lost along the way, well, they weren’t meant to be in my life anyway.

#2 You’re stuck in the past

living in the past

I wanted to get married by the time I was 30. I wanted to be done having kids NO LATER than 35. I didn’t want my son to be an only child. I wanted to have all 3 of my kids raised and out my house by the time I was 45. And here I am 36 and none of those things had happened yet.

“Most people, I believe, are living 4-5 years behind the curve of their transformation”. I read that in an article on Queen Oprah’s website a few weeks ago and it REALLY struck me. Here I was in the BEST place of my life and I was still stuck in a reality that didn’t even exist for me 5 years ago and would NEVER exist. And while I was harping on that, I was potentially missing a transformative time in my life where I could be greater than I’ve even been and have more than I have ever dreamed.

I’m not saying I’ll never have more kids or that I’ll never get married. BUT I will never be 30 again. And no matter when I have more children, at this point, my oldest will always be an only child (He’ll be in college when I have more kids at the rate I’m going..lol). I could spend the next 20 years harping on what didn’t happen, or I could accept that I probably wasn’t ready then anyway. I could prepare myself so that when the moment comes I’m ready emotionally, spiritually and financially for all that the universe has planned for me. So, I let it go. Just like that. And I’ve never been happier.

#3 You believe the negative stuff people say about you

negative people sayJust as I was writing this I noticed I had a new comment to one of my blogs. It was one of my friends saying, “Since you’re open to criticism I have to tell you I never liked the fact that you wear your hair long”. LOL. This was quite hilarious since I had recently gone back to wearing my hair long after a few months of wearing a short, chic bob. So does this mean I’m not pretty with long hair? This style I’ve worn for say the last 10 years on and off (probably longer) isn’t becoming of me? Should I reevaluate my entire look and fashion sense because someone doesn’t like the way my hair looks? Hell no! I never understood why people felt the need to be so opinionated about things that have nothing to do with them, but they do. The fact is, it’s only an opinion. Nothing more, nothing less.

Through the course of our lives we’ll come across people that don’t approve of the decisions we make. We’ll either be too much of something, too little of something or not enough of something. Others will make us feel less than. They’ll try to make us feel like we aren’t smart enough, we aren’t pretty enough, we aren’t successful enough, we aren’t talented enough, we aren’t thin enough, we aren’t sexual enough…the list goes on and on.

Now there is nothing wrong with criticism. Everyone needs some “correcting” every now and again. Whenever someone says something negative to me or about me, I always ask myself is there any truth to that statement? Is there some way I can take that and become a BETTER person? But after that, I let it go. Do not allow peoples negative views of who they THINK you are to occupy your mental and emotional space nor dictate who you are or how you feel about yourself. That is not a recipe for success, it’s a recipe for misery.

#4 You’re waiting on something to happen

waitingAs soon as I get this job I’ll be happy. As soon as I get a new car I’ll be happy. As soon as I lose 20 lbs. I’ll be happy. As soon as I get married, I’ll be happy. As soon as, as soon as, as soon as. Listen to me. If you’re waiting on something to happen before you can be happy, then you’ll never ever be happy. Period. Why? Because as soon as you get what you’ve been waiting for, you’ll be ready for something else and you’ll be miserable all over again. This is such a simple concept but so hard at the same time.

My best friend and I talk about this all the time. How so many people are still trying to live out the life they created for themselves when they were 10 and 11 years old. Happiness to my 10 year old self meant white picket fences, fancy expensive cars, wearing designer clothes to my fancy job as a business executive and dinner parties where all my friends dressed up like they did on Dynasty and we drank expensive champagne. Happiness at 10 years old looked like whatever I saw on TV, in magazines or read in Sweet Valley High books.

Imagine how unhappy I’d be if I was still trying to attain that unrealistic version of happy. I’d be miserable. That doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t desire fancy cars and designer clothes and all the finer things in life. But if you think about it, we spend more time trying to acquire the finer things than act of actually acquiring them. Imagine saving for a house or a car or trying to become and then becoming pregnant. What about waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right? It’s a process; sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it’s not. So why not be happy the entire journey versus waiting for the moment you acquire “that thing” to be happy. I guarantee you, it will make you appreciate life so much better if you’re able to enjoy the journey as well as the destination.



2 Responses to “4 Reasons why you aren’t happy”

  1. Sho August 2, 2013 at 11:12 am #

    It amazes me how open and honest you can be…add fear to the list. #fearless #hittlist

    • TheHittList August 2, 2013 at 11:27 am #

      🙂 Awww..thanks…I honestly don’t know any other way to be or write. Yea..being fearless definitely adds to my happiness…its a special kind of freedom.

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