How not to be a douche online…

6 Nov



I miss the days when hump day actually meant some form of humping. LOL! Now it just means bust your ass at work so you’re too sleepy to think about humping when you get home. (No it doesn’t help either).


Anyway, I have a lot of work to do and no time to write. So instead of writing nothing, you get something short and sweet!

So one of my friend encouraged me to try another dating site. This is after I’ve sworn them off. I decided to try it because it’s free. And true to my friend’s words, you will meet a LOT of people. However, the downside is that you will meet a LOT of people. For every 10 emails you get, maybe 1 you will want to reply to. The other nine make you wonder why the fuck these people are even allowed to use the computer. Much less date.

So for those men considering using online dating websites here are a couple things to get you PAST the inbox, into a conversation and keep you out of the block user folder.

Online Dating Woes

  1. You send a message but only write “GM” = You took the time to send a message but were too lazy to actually write anything? BLOCK & DELETE
  2. Profile description reads “Fashionista who enjoys shopping” = Honey you need a boyfriend not a girlfriend. But let me know when Nordstrom’s has a sale!
  3. Profile picture shows you wearing a short suit = I am not Beyoncé and I am not buying you a short no. #FAIL (But there is a certain fashionista that could assist you..ijs)
  4. Full contents of email is “Hey Sexy” = How thirsty are you exactly?
  5. “Happy Hump day sexy!” – If my mind instant goes there as a woman I know where yours was as a man. Pfft.
  6. Any name that includes “69” or “Licks” in the profile – Yes, I said lick. I’m not kidding. COME ON SON!
  7. men who Don’t know when to punctuate or use capitalization but want to have a conversation and just typing this made me exhausted – Hooked on phonics is not just for kids.
  8. One of your pictures is posted with you hugging another woman. – There is a saying called hiding in plain sight. YOU AINT SLICK!

I could go on..but duty calls! So tell me, what do you have to add to my list?


The Mistress of All Things Fabulust


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