I got paid with a reality check!

7 Nov



When I think about the things that are most important to me it doesn’t take me long to come up with an answer. I love shopping and pretty things. I love travel and going to new exotic places. I love my friends and all the adventures that we’ve shared. And while those things are of the UTMOST importance to me they are not the thing that I hold in my heart. They aren’t the key that holds my true purpose. They bring me happiness and joy but not fulfillment. The thing that’s most important to me is family.

Since I was a kid, as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to be a wife and a mother. I’ve wanted to cook warm meals, lovingly fold laundry, and yell at the ceiling because I’ve stepped on toys that shouldn’t be on the floor. I wanted to plug my ears because my husband’s snoring kept me up every night, cradle a baby as it refused to drift into slumber and plan family vacations where everyone drove everyone else crazy. I want the good, the bad and the ugly. I’ve always known that you can’t have one without the other (or appreciate one without the other). I never romanticized it but I’ve always humanized it. It’s been real for me even though it’s never existed.

Over the last year, I’ve had a lot of time to think about the things I want. Who I want to be, the legacy I want to leave my children and the stamp I want to put on the world. I honestly, didn’t have to think hard because just as I knew my heart’s desire was in the family I would build, I knew that my legacy would be in the life that I lived and more importantly how I shared the life I lived with the world.

I don’t remember exactly when it happened. It think it was February of this year. I know this may sound crazy, so for those “non-believers”  feel free to tune me out now. Everyone get’s to their purpose in different, unique ways. Some people fall into their purpose and some people are born into theirs. Neither of those are my experience. I was told what mine would be. Yup, told! I didn’t get a blueprint or a map but I heard God tell me very clearly.

I’ll spare you the dialogue, but that message came with a certain amount of clarity, peace and responsibility. I know what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m supposed to write. Not just writing a blog. But writing a book. The book is the key that opens the door to everything. When I start pursuing Gods purpose for my life, God will start fulfilling the desires of my heart. (Make sense?)

Yet, even knowing this, I haven’t started yet.

Why? Because I’m scared. I’m scared to fail. I’m scared to not be good enough. I’m scared that I won’t have enough ideas. I’m scared no one will want to read it. These are the thoughts that float like crashing waves among a sea of limitless opportunities around my head without provocation and encouragement. So I procrastinate. I mean, who do I think I am that I can be a world renowned writer? Who am I to think I’ll be a New York’s Time bestseller? But I want more than that. I want to pack stadiums. I want to empower people. I want to give people a reason to hope and soar. My life alone is a testament to why the impossible is not impossible.

But how can I empower others if I won’t even empower myself.

Right now I’m living in my goal. I’m working in a job I love and doing what I’ve always wanted to do. But I’m not living in my purpose. This isn’t what GOD intended for me to do. I had a reminder today, not so friendly, but VERY necessary. I’m replaceable. I’m a talent. Not a necessity. More like an accessory that can be swapped out on a whim.

BUT I want to be necessary. I want to live a fulfilling life. I want to leave a stamp on the world. I want my life to mean something. Dreams are for sleeping. Goals are for achieving. Purpose is for living. Today, I’m choosing to live a “purpose driven life” rather than a goal oriented life. Today I am empowering myself. Today, I began writing my book. Today I got out of my own way.

Walking by faith and action,

The Mistress of All Things Fabulous



4 Responses to “I got paid with a reality check!”

  1. MaryMaryWhy-U-Bugging November 7, 2013 at 7:59 pm #

    #1 You title is Great on this Post
    #2 This is an amazing post, I totally am in sync with what you expressed about purpose and calling. And wanting to encourage people to live their lives.
    #3 Thank you for sharing~!

    • Thehittlist November 8, 2013 at 7:30 am #

      Thanks MaryMary. Thanks for reading and commenting! I’m headed over to read yours now!

      • MaryMaryWhy-U-Bugging November 8, 2013 at 7:48 am #

        I enjoyed the post.. Yep check me out and my total of 5 GRand post.. lol! Just started this week 🙂

  2. Nuala November 8, 2013 at 9:57 am #

    Kimmah…….continue in God’s purpose for your love….step out in faith by starting to your write your book today….work on it daily….I pray God gives you the direction and guidance as you write. I have a friend on facebook who I do admire as a writer…..her name is M Shannon Hernandez…..she embraces truth like you do regarding writing truth. I think she could be a good source of encouragement to you for this writing journey. I thank God for you daily and I am truly blessed you are my friend.

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