My first PMS induced rant of 2014…

7 Jan

Have you ever witnessed a car accident? You want to look away but you can’t tear your eyes from the scene in front of you. It feels like you’re watching a movie in slow motion. One car is moving at a precipitously dangerous speed while the other is sitting obliviously at the intersection. You look around and no one seems to be aware of the onslaught of carnage that is about to take place. You open your mouth to scream and no sound comes out. You go to run towards the car sitting unaware of the impending doom but your feet feel like they are all of a sudden stuck in quick sand. All you can do is stare helplessly and watch the scene unfurl before you.

The scene I just described is not a car wreck per say. I’m describing what it feels like to date. I don’t know if I’m doing it wrong or doing it with the wrong persons but I’m waiting for this part of the game to become fun. It’d be nice if this dating thing started making sense. Where is Mr. 1% anyway? Anytime sir!

I’ll wait…..

NOW before you get your tough love speech ready, I know the power of the tongue is strong and I should be mindful of what I put into the universe but sometimes I can’t help but feel disappointed by this game we call dating. So humor me while I have a human moment and vent (once again) about why dating is not my favorite pastime.

#1 The Baggage

couple with baggage

I’m not a spring chicken. More like a summer hen. Needless to say I’ve been around the block a time or two. I’ve dated younger guys (by 4 years) and older (by 15 years). I’ve had short term dating situations (89 days), long term relationships (6 years) and an off-and-on with my high school sweetheart that spanned about a decade. I’ve been dumped, duped, cheated on, lied too, loved, liked and probably hated. I’ve experienced a few highs and a lot of lows. So needless to say, I have a little baggage. Not as much as some. I can still pack light enough to not pay extra baggage fees. However, the bag I carry may be a few pounds over the suggested weight and cause me to have to reevaluate my wardrobe choices at the ticket counter every now and again. But everyone has baggage. EVERYONE.

The thing about baggage, similar to the when you travel, is you never seem to know how heavy it is UNTIL you are asked to put your bag on the scale. You just hope you eyeballed it well enough so you don’t have to pay extra because OF COURSE you think you need everything you packed (even the 12 pairs of shoes you need for a 3 day trip)! It all seems perfectly reasonable until you’re looking like an ass at the ticket counter and preventing ill-tempered and impatient travelers from getting on their way while you sort through your baggage. Here you are placing items in your carry on and one personal item. Asking your companion to do the same and probably forking over a few extra dollars so you don’t have to throw away anything you deem valuable. And hopefully, HOPEFULLY not missing your flight.

About the luggage. It’s important to go through you baggage from time to time and do some additional spring cleaning as required. You may see that some stuff is out of fashion, no longer wanted or no longer fits. What once served you (having your walls up) may now be holding you back (now you’re missing out). Just make sure the extra baggage fee is worth it cost. If not, toss what you don’t need and enjoy the trip!

#2 The Feelings

scary feelings

Though many people don’t want to admit it, this is why you date to begin with. In hopes of those exhilarating, off-key singing, bad joke causing, unrhythmic dance move prompting things: feelings. The ones that make you smile in the middle of the day and wet in the middle of the afternoon (yea, I said it). Until of course all of that gooey, mushy, butterfly inducing shit leads to vulnerability and exposure. When that happens you want nothing more to head for the hills until you know the coast is clear and you are safe to engage in the feelings things and will remain free from heartache, pain and anguish.

Alas, that is not the case. On the off chance you meet someone that you like. And the timing is right. And you begin spending time with them (amongst other..ahem..things). You’re feeling them and they’re feeling you. The reciprocity is serendipitous. The feelings thing will happen and it will be scary. Why? Because you have no idea if it will go incredibly well or incredibly bad. You will simultaneously not want it to stop and want it to stop at the same damn time. Because despite your best efforts all you’ll be thinking of is the last time those feelings things showed up.

About the feelings. Lets face it feelings are the best and worst part of a relationship. While the good feelings are like eating your favorite food on your favorite day in your favorite outfit (that fits) surrounded by your favorite people while listening to your favorite song, the bad feelings are all that but that opposite. The thing about dating, is you have to accept that either can happen and be okay with that. BEFORE either of them actually happens.  

#3 The Talk


You know the one. “What are we”. I don’t care how long (or short) you’ve been dating. How much or how little you like the person. Doesn’t matter if you’re on the giving or receiving end of this question, it’s probably the scariest moment in a blooming relationship. Why? Because the shit is awkward. And who likes awkward. You’re just figuring out if you can deal with their snoring (my, if they know how to order at a restaurant without annoying or embarrassing you (my ex hate when I asked the waitress to hold the carbs..smh). Now someone wants to know is asking you if they are supposed to be sorting baggage and catching feelings for someone other than you. *Le sigh*

About the Talk. Still figuring this one out but what I do know is it’s always better to have “the talk” (Whatever the conversation is) than not. The last thing you want to do is be in a relationship while thinking you’re just dating OR dating while thinking you’re in a relationship. If you keep the lines of communication open and stay honest and true to yourself you can leave “the talk” unscathed.  (mostly) Just know that when those “red alerts start sounding”, in my case it’s always the emotionally unavailable flag, tie up your tennies and get prepared to run. If you’re ready and they’re not that a good fit you do not have. And bad fits cause blitters…and I’ve have my share of those.

So what does this all mean? Hell, I don’t know. I haven’t quite figured that out yet. But at the end of the day, it all has to be worth it one day. So until one day comes, I guess I’ll keep kissing frogs until I get my prince. C’est la vie!


The Mistress of All Things Fabulous


One Response to “My first PMS induced rant of 2014…”

  1. Robin Russell January 7, 2014 at 2:57 pm #

    Great job, it doesn’t sound all angry and PMS like . Yeah I wish things were simple.but being adults dating isn’t set up that way and so many factors come into play.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: