How to Get Cho Life…after a disappointment.

21 Mar

“I love seeing people I love in love. I love seeing all these happily-ever-after’s unfold right before my very eyes. I love seeing that what GOD says about love is true and what the world wants me to believe is a lie. I love having friends and family who live lives that I can use as a beacon for hope when I’m unsure about what awaits me. I love seeing couples who respect their commitments to each other. I love seeing that love can in fact be stronger after the darkest hour. I love seeing that when love REALLY does come, the one that God sent, it’s as if every tear shed was watering the soil and preparing the harvest..of love.” -The Mistress of All Things Fabulous

I shared the above quote with my FBF the other day. And it’s something I wholeheartedly believe . I believe that you have to be able to celebrate other people’s victories, triumphs and blessings even and especially when you’re dealing with your own failures, disappointments or are in a period of waiting. You have to be able to visualize and see in real life the things that you yearn for so that you can not only recognize them when they come but also so that you know how to show gratitude and humility for them yourself.

With that said, it’s officially wedding season. That should be evident by my post yesterday. I also have two other people who are very near and dear to me planning nuptials. Recently, it seems like every day I’m inundated with wedding dresses, engagement rings, talk about locations and other aspects of weddings. And just to be clear…I STILL love and think weddings are the most fun thing EVER!

I’ve moved past my relationship, the betrayal and the hurt (mostly) and accepted it as a part of life. Shit happens and I’m happier to have a canceled wedding than a painful divorce. Still it’s something about planning and the talk of planning someone else’s happy day that will start and end as they expected that makes me remember my own. Cancelling a wedding feels something  like reading a book and losing it half way through and never knowing how the story ended (if you’re an avid reader like me, you know how much that SUCKS ASS).

So anyway, me being the queen of Google, I headed over to my favorite problem solver to see how other people have handled this situation.

ME: Google, can you please tell me “how to help plan a friend’s wedding after you’ve had to cancel your own”.

Google: *Blank Stare*

Google rarely disappointments but this time it had no answers. Nothing but blogs and articles on cancelled weddings and broken engagements. So, while I do not know anyone personally who’s been in my situation, I am sure that someone else out there will go looking for answers one day and I wanted to be able to share some HOPEFULLY good council with them. (And I think this advice can be used in other situations as well).

1. It’s not about you.

This is the most important part! Rather your friend is sharing news of a great new job, a happy and unexpected pregnancy, a windfall of money OR planning the wedding of their dreams, you as a friend have a responsibility to let them have their  moment. I’m sure they have waited a long time and have gone through just as much as you to get to where they are today. They deserve to be happy and they deserve to have people around who are happy for them. If you can not make it about them, be somewhere else until you can. #byedebbiedowner

2. BUT your feelings are still valid.

Telling the mom-to-be about your conception problems while she’s fretting over growing a healthy human is probably not the best move. However, I’m sure there are other friends and family members with a soft shoulder and a listening ear who are more than willing to console and support you. Share your feelings with the APPROPRIATE person.

3. If you have to make a difficult decision do it at a non-critical time.

Nonetheless, despite your best efforts you just may not be able to get it together. The pain may be too fresh. And you may feel resentful or envious and just can’t fathom the idea of standing up on someone’s wedding day or planning someone’s super whimsical baby shower. IF that is the case, you have a duty to yourself and your loved to give them enough advance notice as to not dampen their special day OR cause them any undo stress. I once saw a matron of honor stand outside a wedding while the bride was getting married because she decided to not participate at the last minute. SO NOT COOL! Do on to others.

4. Stay positive

Refer to the quote above. Your time is coming. The more positive you are the more likely you will attract what you are looking for in your life. It’s the law of attraction. If your thoughts are constantly negative, that is what you will attract in your life. Likewise if they are positive.

5. Remember this feeling is temporary…don’t miss a forever moment.

Finally, whatever you’re feeling is temporary. So what you haven’t gotten the job of your dreams yet. You won’t be unemployed forever. So what you’re single. In a couple of years you’ll be sitting with your partner laughing at your first date story. It’s okay if you haven’t had a baby yet, in a few years you’ll be sleep deprived and wondering how your living room turned into Toys-R-Us. This moment will pass but you will never be able to get back the opportunity to stand up at your best friend’s wedding, give a toast at your sisters baby shower or celebrate the big promotion of your closest cousin. Don’t let a temporary situation, mess up a forever kind of memory.

With love,

The Mistress of All Things Fabulous

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One Response to “How to Get Cho Life…after a disappointment.”

  1. nualapthatsme March 21, 2014 at 6:56 pm #

    Great words of wisdom

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