He’s talking to his wife…#SCANDAL #joke

28 Mar

***ABC Scandal 3/27/2014 Spoiler Alert***

***And I will be dropping hella F bombs..so if you’re sensitive don’t read this.***

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Have you seen this meme going around? It’s funny because it’s true. The golden rule in the black social media community is that you cannot talk shit about those three. You can’t talk about King Beyoncé’ because really, she does no wrong. (And the windblown hair, most idyllic marriage, Surfboard, watermelon, you wish you were me but you’re not award goes to Beyoncé Knowles). You can’t talk about President Obama because let’s be honest, I’m a black woman in corporate America and the bullshit I deal with is enough to make me go postal at least once a week. He’s black and the HEAD of America. His job sucks ass. Leave that man alone. AND finally you can’t talk about Jesus because well…he walked on water, turned water to wine and came back from the dead. Nuff said.

Well..they forgot one. You cannot talk about the Queen of serving drama, getting yo life and having several seats Ms. Shonda Rimes and her baby Scandal. (Sorry Oprah, you’ve been dethroned.) Every Thursday night during Scandal season Facebook falls to a hush except for well-timed post that only happen during commercials and ends when memes start circulating on #blacktwitter no later than 10:01pm CST.

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Shonda is the truth. And so is Scandal.

Now, I don’t normally blog about TV shows. Mostly because I don’t have time to watch a lot of TV and because there are enough people blogging and writing articles about it so I kinda just stay in my lane. BUT last night..after the President told Olivia to shut the fuck up because he was talking to his wife…I HAD TO.

I love Scandal..I really do. But I’m so over the lorror stories (love/horror). Cyrus Beene, you can stop fronting like you weren’t instrumental in having your cute little husband James murdered. Mellie you can stop acting like you haven’t been dreaming of sucking off Uncle Andrew since the day he walked BACK into your life. And Oliva. Olivia. Olivia. Liv. Here is a seat for you. _/ Please sit in it and think about your life while I read you and your boyfriend Bitz (Bitch/Fitz).

So last night, after Mellie was caught sucking the brass polish off of Uncle Andrew’s door knob Fitz decides right before he’s supposed to have the interview that could cement his second term as president to confront Mellie about her indiscretion. Olivia being the level head and white coat that she is attempts to meekly stop him and convince him to wait (she didn’t try hard because she truly wanted to hear why he was so mad and what the hell he had to say). In the heat of the moment Bitz is like, Liv shut the fuck up I’m talking to my wife! Now close the door behind you. ( I added some of that but you get the jist. He did in fact yell that he was “TALKING TO HIS WIFE” to which he immediately apologized to a swiftly retreating Olivia.)

And all the wives yelled a resounding battle cry for the redemption of wives everywhere was finally theirs!

Seriously ya’ll. Sit the hell down.

Why the fuck are you feeling redeemed by a man who disrespects every woman that he knows. His wife, his mistress, his daughter. He was just 5 seconds before berating his wife for ruining their marriage. A marriage he CHOOSE to stay in. BUT because his wife didn’t put out he cheated on her. Somehow this is really his wifes fault and not his..or so he says. Then not 2 seconds after he chin checks the shit out of Liv hockey style (I could hear the blood fly from her mouth) he apologizes to his mistress in front of his wife. Hashtag: Awkward.

And yes, he disrespected his daughter too. How you ask? Everyone knows you learn the merits of a man by watching your daddy. Too bad the show will be over before we see how his daughter flourishes into the next Lindsey Lohan or marries some philanderer like her daddy and passes on these tragic relationships to her children. Thank Bitz for the generational curses.

I remember a couple of years ago I had nasty fight with my sons other biological parent ( I can’t bring myself to even write father but that is another story) and he called me a bad mother. That shit was funny as hell. If I wasn’t so pissed off by his continued douchebaggery I’d have dissolved into a fit of giggles. This dude who had no concept of what it felt like to be a parent had the NERVE to judge me? *blank stare* GTFOHWDBS (get the f@ck out of here with that bull$hit).

That’s how it felt hearing Bitz say the word wife last night with such vehemence. He doesn’t even know what it means to be a husband. He shouldn’t even get to USE the word wife! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!

I’m sorry but nothing this douchebag has to say holds any merit with me. Not when he is confessing his undying love and devotion to his mistress and not when he is checking his mistress for his wife (cuz actually he didn’t do it for her, he did it for himself). Every word he utters is a lie. Every move he makes is to satisfy his own selfish need without concern or care for his wife, his mistress, his kids or the 313 Million people in the republic. Daddy Pope is bat shit crazy but he was right about one thing. Bitz is a boy. Nothing more and nothing less. And I’m too grown to be moved by anything that boy has to say.

But damn…I just hate that I have to wait 6 more days to watch what happens next. SMH.

#SCANDAL

Sincerely,

The Mistress of All Things Fabulous

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