Guy Code Decoded! Must read for women!

9 Jun

So Thursday I wrote a post titled Single? Then read this before you have sex! It was based on an article I stumbled upon while surfing the internet. The article itself was garbage but one of the guys commenting on the article was dropping some serious knowledge. I asked him if I could quote him for my blog and he happily agreed! Much to my surprise and pleasure he then came back to my blog post and dropped some MORE knowledge. It was so good, I had to share it as its own post.

You can see the original post for his full commentary but here are the highlights! Also, check him out at here!

What’s the deal with guy code?

Guy code is very much overrated. It basically implies that as long as we perpetuate certain stereotypes as men, we can lower the expectations of women just so we don’t have to try. And then men get mad at the guys that actually do what they’re supposed to because we make them look bad. And I’m not trying to turn this on women, but it’s one of those things that will last only as long as it’s tolerated. If women expect more out of men, then eventually men have to meet that standard.

I like to make my girl happy, and yes, in all fairness I have a better chance of doing horribly deviant things to her when she’s happy, but that’s not supposed to be the point……(truncated..see original post for more comments)

Sex is supposed to be fun. It’s not a treat because we took you out. We’re not six and we didn’t win the spelling bee. We’re grown men and we took you out because you want a night out and my team didn’t make the next round in the Stanley Cup finals. We as guys are for the most part very easy going. You make the point that going with the flow is for high schoolers. I disagree slightly. Playing the field is for high schoolers. All men go with the flow, you just have to understand that as women, you are the flow. We go where you go. If you want to be exclusive, then that’s the flow. And yeah, maybe we don’t have strong opinions on what color you want to paint the living room (I do, but I was an art major and I get color theory), but we do get that painting the living room makes you happy. Really what drives men crazy is that most of us have no clue what it is that you want. He might not understand WHY you feel the living room needs $150 worth of Velspar robin’s egg blue, new lamps, and sixteen throw pillows. Men are, generally speaking, practical, and while not all of us are cheap, we’d rather just spend that money taking you out or doing something. We have to be told that nesting is a date and by making home feel more homey, we are taking you out and we are doing something, it just doesn’t feel as tangible for most men.

What else should we ask before sex?

I would add at least one more: What does he want me to do in the bedroom, and what do you want him to do?

Now I say this for a few reasons, but the first and most obvious reason is that we as men are for the most part consummate perverts. That much shouldn’t come as a shock, and if it does, you may have an over-idealized idea of your Prince Charming, but you do not want to get into the bedroom and find out that his expectations for sex are more than what you’re comfortable doing. Everyone has their own kinks and there own rhythms. My girl put in a sex swing. I came home one day and there it was. Now that sounds like an extreme, and it is, but you have to also take into account that she didn’t just install it on a whim. There’s a difference between getting to a point where you try new things versus a guy taking you back to his place because that’s where he keeps all his riding crops and leather. Look, I have no problem with people doing whatever it is they do, but if your man is into that kind of thing, you really should know about it before that point.

 

Sex is supposed to be mutually satisfying, and while you girls are champs at stroking the male ego and making us feel good about our efforts, you have every right to expect an orgasm. So don’t fake it. We like to know we’re doing it the way you like, and if you tell us that we are, we won’t try to fix what we don’t know is broken. And you can’t take the other side of it when you finally fess up that his favorite way of it doesn’t work for you. If there’s a particular position that works best for you, make sure he knows it. If you don’t get yours, that will sooner or later get to be a problem, either because you’re getting frustrated or because it diminishes his confidence. I mean if it’s your first time together and he’s trying, maybe let it go once or twice, but if by the third time you’re intimate and it hasn’t happened for you, it may be time to start asking him about his fantasies and start telling him some of yours. Push your comfort zones. There is enough porn on the net that there is just no excuse for a guy to not know how to get you where you need to be. That inner pervert, for all the trouble it causes, can be useful at times. Just make sure it’s not going to be a problem, either.

He even chimed in on men and oral?

As for cunnilingus, I could do that all day (and according to former-President Clinton oral sex is not cheating). I suggest the following scenario. You watch your steamy movie at your place, because this is going to be on your terms. You wear a skirt, and I know that sounds kind of cheap, but hear me out on this. You finish the movie, you make out on the couch, and then when you’re ready, all of a sudden you slouch down, kinda part your knees and see if he takes the hint. If he does, keep him there. Too many guys phone that in. I’m sure most women have given a guy oral and gotten to a point of “how long does he expect me to do this?” so it’s only fair to keep him there till you get something out of it. I could wear my girl like a scarf and I’m sorry that I’ve now given you that visual, but it’s just one of my favorite things.

If he doesn’t go for it, you don’t have to go for him. You need to know beforehand that your man will both reciprocate his own expectations, and respect your boundaries. You should be able to have a heavy petting situation without him expecting oral or penetration. Petting may seem like high school stuff, but it means you trust him enough to start but you need to see that he’s okay with what you’re not willing to do. If he pushes you to go beyond that, that’s not cool.

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2 Responses to “Guy Code Decoded! Must read for women!”

  1. artisan219 June 10, 2014 at 4:15 pm #

    Ah, I like to see that my opinions are of some value to you. I just actually got through writing an emotionally draining post about some of my own relationship issues and I would welcome a female perspective, and I definitely need a mother’s insight here. I will warn you, though. It’s a long rant, and it’s not something I’m really proud of having to deal with, but please let me know what you think.

  2. danby63 June 10, 2014 at 5:10 pm #

    Reblogged this on Man of Wisdom and commented:
    Another great read!

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