You ain’t got to lie to kick it.

7 Jul

If you know me personally you would consider me an eternal optimist. Hell, if you haven’t gathered that by reading my blog then you haven’t been paying attention. I’m the person that walks around saying corny shit like, “Everything happens for a reason” and “Be grateful for your hardships” or “This too shall pass.” AND not only do I say it and believe it BUT I also live it. I was the one rooting for Brittney Spears post rehab and Kim Kardashian after her 72 day marriage ended. I was all, “You can do it girl” and, “Don’t judge their pain….”and shit. (Even though I admit I don’t have the same zeal and fervor for Lindsey Lohan..poor little tink). That movie, The Pursuit of Happyness in which Will Smith plays Chris Gardner is like my own personal biopic. I truly believe in the good of people and that everyone will come out on top in the end. I’m always championing the underdog and I believe that people as a whole are good, HONEST and TRUSTWORTHY.

Imagine my surprise when I find out they are not. *Stare*

A few years ago when I FIRST started this blog I started with a very idealistic, yet well intentioned plan. I was so tired of hearing women bash men, especially black men. Forever being the optimist that I am, I wanted to do my part to eradicate the negative images of the men in my community. Being constantly inundated with “Men aint shit.” “All men cheat.” Etc. et al was becoming exhausting, annoying and overall just dampening my optimistic and positive spirit (God damn it). I’d had enough run-ins with men to know that they could be everything that these women had proclaimed. However, I’d also had enough experiences with men to feel that was the exception, not the norm.

Until now.

I’ve been single since November of 2012 and as the months roll by I’ve seen my perception of men slowly degrade. Guy after guy and lie after lie has me questioning everything I’ve ever thought and chose to believe about men. I could see if it were an isolated event. Maybe one guy..maybe two. BUT every guy? *Excuse me why I go vomit in my bedazzled hand bag.*

I thought I knew what questions to ask before even CONSIDERING entertaining a guy. Are you single? Are you gay? Are you interested in dating me? Those seem like they cover the basics to determine if we can even have a conversation. But no. I now need to add shit like are you living with a woman who you claim to be friends with but are really in a mutli-layered, complicated situationship that may culminate with an engagement or marriage? Are you having sex with your co-worker or attempting to have sex with your co-worker during the duration of our relationship? Do you have a baby on the way with someone who may consider you more than the homie you claim to be? Basically, am I going to get fucked (not in the good way) or feel used after this transaction is over?

Le sigh.

And those are just the ones that “claim” to be single. The unsolicited married penises I have seen since I’ve announced I was once again single would shock and disappoint you. How many times can one girl hear, “You make a man want to cheat” or “If I wasn’t married I’d come for you”. “Back in my single days I’d have wifed you up.” Or what seems to be the married man’s favorite, any ridiculously ass insulting statement where they think they are actually being complimentary followed by, “You know I’m just playing.” (Does your wife also know you’re playing Mella?)

Note to all married men: Nothing you say to us single women is complimentary if you cannot say it or do it in front of your wife/kids/family.

I say all that to say this: I am tired and scared. Tired of dating. Tired of being lied to. And scared that what I’m seeing now is the truth and everything I thought about men is a lie. Scared that my happily ever after will elude me indefinitely unless I learn to look the other way and turn a blind eye to what I thought was a basic human courtesy. The truth.

I wish I could wrap this post up in a sweet little bow but I don’t have it in me today. I’m just sincerely hoping that I am wrong today and that someday, someone proves that I was right all along.

Feeling some kind of way,

The Mistress of All Things Fabulous

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7 Responses to “You ain’t got to lie to kick it.”

  1. Kaneisha Blackshire July 7, 2014 at 10:29 am #

    Girlllll…i need this morning word..because I thought it was just me!

    • TheHittList July 7, 2014 at 10:29 am #

      Girllll…help me FATHER! #welp

  2. Keith Townsend July 7, 2014 at 1:47 pm #

    Me and Melissa (see I can say it in front of my wife) pray for you all the time. We look forward to getting invited to the wedding with the man God has set apart for you. We both agree that when you do find the one that’s right for you the combination of the two of you will be amazing.

    Looking forward to it.

    • TheHittList July 7, 2014 at 1:55 pm #

      You know I love you both! You and your wife are definitely in my inspiration book. Such beautiful and honest people. I’m glad to know you both and I too can’t wait from your prayers to manifest! LOL! Thanks for covering a sister. it’s HARD out here but I know God is taking care of everything…it just gets so frustrating. Thanks Keith and Melissa!

  3. Robin Russell July 7, 2014 at 4:44 pm #

    Girl….its so hard and discouraging out there…but gotta keep carefully optimistic. I was never the male bashing type, I luckily didn’t clump up all of them into one category, just keep on approaching each new situation with a fresh pair eyes and heart. That’s all we can do.

    • TheHittList July 7, 2014 at 5:27 pm #

      Robin you are so right. Whenever I feel like I can’t approach a new situation with a new pair of eyes, I know that is when I need to take a break. So right now…I need a break! 🙂

  4. danby63 July 7, 2014 at 4:53 pm #

    Reblogged this on Man of Wisdom and commented:
    Men, time to step up our game.

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