INTRODUCING…Date Chronicles: Anatomy of a Bad First Date

10 Jul

Let’s face it. Bad dates make for the BEST stories; at least that is what I keep telling myself. It’s real out here in these streets and if you don’t keep a sense of humor about it, you will wind up bitter, lonely and miserable. Dating like everything else means you take the bad with the good. Yesterday, as I was chatting with one of my girlfriends via FB regarding her latest dating disaster I was struck with a brilliant idea to take our horrible date stories and use them as teachable moments.

I am convinced that while some people just shouldn’t date at all (because they’re complete idiots and or psychopaths), there are some that do not realize that their actions are the reason Date #1 never turns into Date #2. What better way to educate people then through story telling right? When you know better you do better. Maybe, just maybe reading about someone elses date failure will help these oblivious creatures change their ways.

So send me your dating horror stories ( and I will publish them anonymously. And maybe..just maybe…your dating failure will lead to some elses dating success!

 Love and Basketball: The Sequel that Shouldn’t Have Happened

love basketball

I met a woman on Black People Meet (BPM). Her pics were a bit deceiving (all head shots), but she looked nice and her profile was interesting. She reached out to me 20 minutes after I got on the site. I was new on the new kid on the BPM block and she was the 2nd person that hit me up. My first thought was how thirsty the women were. My second thought was how easy it would be and I was going to be drowning in women. LOL!!!

She and I inboxed each other for about 30 minutes and she sent me her number. Again, the thirst was noticed because I didn’t ask for the number. It was just given. This shit was a golden!!! I told her that I would call later on and she said goodbye. I preceded to finish my profile (yeah, it wasn’t totally complete) and noticed 8 more inbox messages from other women. Now that’s 10 messages and flirts from women and it’s only been the first hour of being on the site. I was on cloud 9.

I spoke to the woman on the phone that evening and she appeared to be engaging. She kept telling me her favorite moving was Love & Basketball and was excited when I told her I played college ball. She made a remark that she could beat me in basketball and I blew it off. On the phone she asked where I lived. I didn’t give her my address, but told her the area. She told me she knew exactly where that was because she’s a bus driver (what?!??!) and had a route in my area. We talked for an hour and got off the phone around 10:30pm. Before we got off the phone she wanted to confess two things.

The first was the fact that she was married. The second was the fact that she was a BIG girl. I asked how BIG is BIG because maybe she’s a bit self-conscious, but doable. She was 6’1” tall and 315 pounds. She emphasized that it was all muscle and asked if I wanted to see pics of her legs (yes legs). LOL!!! At this point I told her that I wasn’t interested in her like that or the pics. I was nice about it (trying to be a gentleman), but clearly pissed that I struck out on this one. She seemed to be okay with my excuse. Needless to say; I didn’t see there being a problem until…

The woman calls me at 3:30am and wakes me up. She tells me that she is in my area with a basketball in her trunk and wants to play me 1 on 1. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. She claimed she had her Kobe Bryant jersey on and wanted to play me for her heart. If she wins I would give her a chance. I couldn’t help but laugh and that made her angry.


She demanded me to get my “Punk Pussy Ass” out the bed and play her like a man. I hung up on her and she called over and over and I ignored them. Something told me to look out my living room window and I noticed a car with a BIG woman behind the wheel using a flash light to read the address on the buildings. It was either her or a BIG woman on a paper route. LOL I knew I didn’t give her the address, but was afraid she found out somehow. I kept ignoring her calls and went back to sleep.

That next morning I wake up and get in my truck (in my parking space at the condo complex) to go to the store. After a few seconds I noticed something wrong. Then my tire pressure alert comes on. I get out of my Land Rover and it has two flat tires and scratch marks on the side of the truck and on the front hood. Not only was I pissed, but I was confused. I didn’t give her my address or tell her what truck I had. Who did this???

Later that day I was on the site and looked at my photos. I notice that my flossing ass posted a pic of me outside my truck with the damn plates in full view. WTF!!!!!!!! I immediately ended my subscription and got the hell out of dodge. The player got played and I stopped all forms of online dating.



5 Responses to “INTRODUCING…Date Chronicles: Anatomy of a Bad First Date”

  1. Eric July 10, 2014 at 2:57 pm #

    I can’t stop laughing. That damn BPM!!! LOL

  2. Tracie Diane July 10, 2014 at 2:58 pm #

    She saw you flossing with yo flossing ass. LOL. That was a terrible/GREAT story! The thirst is definitely real. LOL.

    • TheHittList July 10, 2014 at 3:01 pm #


  3. Robin Russell July 10, 2014 at 3:11 pm #

    Damn!!!! You didn’t even go on a date and got your stuff messed up…all that off of one conversation. Thats that Blackcrazypeoplemeet .com for ya

  4. deancantave July 10, 2014 at 3:19 pm #

    Can you say PSYCHO! LOL. This is ridiculous. See… I used to mess with those sites back in my 20’s, now. I’m all organic with my relationships!

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