MORE Date Chronicles

11 Jul

bartimus_collins__sexy_vampire_by_fluffyfoxy13-d4vqttaThe Sexy Vampire

So..I’m 23 and single on a break from my boyfriend who is now my husband. (I actually kissed a lot of frogs during this time) Anyway, on Halloween my roomie and BFF and I decided to go to a Halloween party, last minute. So for my “costume” I threw on a pair of black jeans, a cape and white makeup and some fake blood, slicked my hair back and called myself a vampire….. J

At the party I met another vampire and he was FINE. He was tall and English, looked and talked like Hugh Grant (back in the day). Well we hit it off and talked all night, and even exchanged a steamy kiss. My white makeup even came off….it was hot! We made plans to meet the following weekend for dinner at a local cafe. So I get all dolled up and walked into the cafe fashionably late and see this dude at the table….still with white makeup on, and he looks like a vampire….except it’s not Halloween anymore. So I sit down (should have just left…) and he looks at me in disgust, and the first thing out of his mouth is…”I thought you were a vampire!” I replied, “On HALLOWEEN I was a vampire. Tonight I’m…me…”

He was speechless….. Now….it was the strangest first date experience I ever had….HE was disappointed that I looked like a normal woman, and was NOT a vampire…..he was not into it. We talked a few minutes (I am way too nice) about the underground vampire movement in Chicago and it is then I realize that his teeth are shaved into fangs, and he apparently drinks real blood. He then Excuses himself and leaves me there. He walked out on the date!

I swear no one would have believed me except for my two friends walk into the cafe as this dude was walking out…. Damn…I knew this guy was too good looking for me! Something had to be off!!! Lol:) That’s my story….

downloadGive Me Back My Scarf

I had just gotten out of a 7-year relationship and had NO idea of how to start dating again, so I went online. I met a nice guy who happened to be a lawyer and we chatted for about 2 weeks before he asked me out. We both lived really close to this Mexican restaurant so we agreed to meet there.

We talked all through dinner and before we knew it, we were the only two people left in the restaurant. We didn’t want our convo to end so I hopped in his car (leaving my car in the Mexican spot’s parking lot) and we went to a restaurant across the street for a couple drinks.

We had a good time. So, he drove me back to my car and we sat there for a minute and enjoyed more conversation UNTIL I asked him a regular, non-sexual question about himself and looking over at him for his response and………… HE. WAS. JACKING. OFF. (Masturbating!)

No. I don’t think you took that in. He was handling his man-part and it had the nerve to be moist and glistening in the moonlight! Startled I said, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?” He responded with a slight grin, “Aw, c’mon girl, you know you want this.” WHAT?!?!?! I gathered my belongings with the quickness of 32 Usain Bolts and jumped out of his car and ran to my car as if it were the beginning of a Law & Order: SVU episode, because it almost was.

He texted me later that night and said he was sorry if he made me uncomfortable and I’d left my scarf in his car. MUTHA*$HOISHDPGIUAP)P!!! My favorite scarf! Aw hell nawl. A couple days after our date, in broad daylight, I had him meet me at a fast food place for the scarf return*. I rolled my window down not even an inch and told him to feed the scarf through. No other words were exchanged. And I never talked to or saw him again.

Of course, I washed my scarf.

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5 Responses to “MORE Date Chronicles”

  1. Eric Hill July 11, 2014 at 2:48 pm #

    LMAO! These stories are great!

    • TheHittList July 11, 2014 at 2:55 pm #

      Don’t forget to share with your friends and have them send me their stories! Thanks for reading!

  2. LisaListed July 11, 2014 at 3:02 pm #

    Hahaha great post – loved reading it! Thanks for sharing 🙂
    http://www.lisalisted.com

  3. Robin Russell July 16, 2014 at 4:07 pm #

    I just read this one……ewww and wow

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