I’s Married Now!

24 Jul

Oh…you got extra geeked for a second didn’t you? Or worried! Not to fear, I did not get married but our resident Ghost Writer and Contributor Bombay Stories DID..or is! 🙂 And he has some stuff to get off his chest! I know you can relate! And if you can’t, have several seats while you get read because you are very likely “THAT GIRL”. ENJOY! 

Don’t be “THAT GIRL” when you get married!

I’m getting married…. Again. This time will be the last time, as I plan on getting it right this go around. I say that because I need it understood up front that I am a fan of the institution of marriage.

Now that that bit of business is out of the way, I severely dislike anyone who desperately wants to “be/get married.” That’ a powerful statement I know, but tarry with me for a few hundred words, and allow me to explain.

I have known wonderful married couples and have been profoundly influenced by their examples. My parents are in that number, my daughter’s godparents, my godparents and the list goes on and on. I am Blessed to know many married folks who exemplify what it means to be a husband or a wife. What I know about them is that overwhelmingly they were not looking to get married when they found their respective husband or wife. They were busy with their lives when it came.

My friend’s wife—let’s call her Natalie—falls into the category of the people I severely dislike for desperately wanting to be married. It bears mentioning that more women fall into this category than men, but the lane is not x chromosome exclusive.  Natalie changed when she got married. All of a sudden she started referring to her husband, whom I have known forever, as “my husband” whenever she was speaking. The tenor of her voice changed when she says it. Further in my opinion she displays an attitude of “better than” unmarried women now that she is a wife. She looks at and describes unmarried women in a way that gives me a sense that she thinks she is better than them because she has a ring on her finger. That bothers me to no end!

My fiancé has a dear friend—let’s call her Nona—who has literally said to people in mixed company that she doesn’t want, nor does she need any single women as friends. Now that my fiancé is planning the wedding, Nona has prescribed that my fiancé adopt her “no new (unmarried female) friends” mindset.

These two examples are the only ones I share for argument’s sake, and limited time and space allocated to this blog. Trust me I have more!

People who act like this are lacking something in themselves. They feel incomplete without the validation, not of healthy relationship, but rather that of the ring. They are generally unsuccessful in their educational endeavors and as a result, their careers. They are usually physically unfit, and couch their laziness in “giving up self for my family.” Most of these folks are passive-aggressive types with overly vocal under informed opinions.

I’m not fond of people who forget who they were and where they come from. You were single a short time ago and now you want to look down on someone who has yet to find a mate? These same people put all of their effort, focus and funding in the wedding but little of that same level of commitment into the actual marriage. They overwhelmingly don’t understand what it means to be sacrificial; to become one flesh. Their idea of fidelity is wrapped up in sexual monogamy only. The “ring” is their prized possession for all of the WRONG reasons.

So you want to be married? “Be, do, have.” BE the best person you can be. Don’t focus on making yourself attractive to someone only to “bait and switch” them after the wedding. Being requires you to DO some things and these things aren’t surrounding going to weddings, church, the grocery store and the gym, looking for a mate. The DO is about making choices and sticking with them. Serve something bigger than yourself. Educate yourself, and edify others. Change your stinking thinking and watch your attitude and outlook on life change as well. Finally, in the midst of BEing and DOing you will discover that the universe has conspired for you to HAVE what it is that you want—someone who matches your hustle and reflects your values, who loves and cherishes the best and worst of you.

Marriage is not a fraternity or sorority. There is no grip, letters or organizational secrets. That ring is not a prize, rather a reminder. Those who are Blessed enough to be married and have been successful at it, don’t look down on others who aren’t. They don’t care about the title, while at the same time valuing the substance of that title above all else.

Thirst, desperation, pity, jealously, envy, coveting followed by sneering, belittling, arrogance and judgment, ain’t cute. The first set won’t get you a mate the second set won’t keep that mate around, “forsaking all others giving themselves to you only.”

The best that type can expect is to get what they reflect, and two worthless, ignorant people joined as one? Well they do say there is someone for everyone, I guess.

 

 

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