When he has a side piece: Part II

5 Aug
Another point of view…..
Its a family thing? 
1. What happened during your relationship that made you stray?

No major reason that was a fault of my partner. I accept responsibility for doing what I wanted to do. There were some external things that inspired it such as peer pressure, pressure from family male elders the need to prove manhood on the back of women a lot of fucked up social shit placed on boys, these poor mindset and habits can be formed and carried on into adulthood. In general I think the majority of the reasons people dip is not because internal relationship issues but responding to nature (monogamy for men or women, arguably may not be as natural as people make it out to be) and external social pressures.

2. Why did you continue to keep your side piece after the first intimate encounter?

The assumption in the question stems from the notion that the relationship began placing her is some “sidepiece” title, it does not. On top of that I personally would be more interested in a long term side situation that I can partly trust over loading up on randomness. In short security, comfort and base friendly relationship is the main reason it continues.

3. How do you maintain a relationship with a side piece?

When I was younger lie lie lie lie when and run all over town balancing shit when I got older realized that was to much running, to much emotional investment trying to be a full time boyfriend to two people. When I got older I started to limit my time and emotional availability not to get to close or build dependency. I also limited the time so that when seeing each other I could assume they seen someone else between the time we last connected, it was a checks and balance kind of deal to make sure I wasn’t subconsciously trying to hoard them or trying to live in LaLa land when I or both of us had a relationship at home. The times between encounters could range 2 weeks or could only be twice a year.

4. Why didn’t you just leave your Wife/GF for your side piece?

Contrary to what some might think there is the underlying mindset that”this is fun but at the end of the day I have to go home.” Also I personally would never leave someone for someone else the relationship has to live and die on its own. Weird fact that I realized as an adult is many of my side situations didn’t disrupt my relationship but in fact maintained it. Those relationships filled in the major unseen voids. There was a time where I stopped and put all of the relationship on my partner  and within months the relationship ended because basic wants were not met, that song “The Clean Up Woman”….yeah. Supply and demand (I’m not speaking of sex). Why didn’t I do the ideal thing, the same reason people don’t eat as the should, don’t exercise regularly, won’t stop smoking, and are not ideal employees from 9-5. It is selfish….. then again maybe it was a way of subscribing to the monogamous facade in a society that says that anything else is wrong and savage….yet the same society that is saturated with sex.

5. What does she give you and or do that your wife/gf won’t?

Different women provide different things, some can be as simple as a something different. I think for me to have been good I would need a shapeshifter, Mystique from X-Men is my ideal woman. In general I try not to make hard core one-on-one comparisons because even if I did there were things that I am certain that my partner did that would shame the side situation.

6. Did you come from a two parent house?

I did and my married grandparents who were a very large part of my life lived in the unit above us.

7. Are your parents divorced?

Divorced after I was an adult

8. Did your father/mother stray?

Father and grandfather and great grandfather (grandmother’s father) did, I know mainly because of conversations with family after I was an adult, growing up there was never any clue that straying was an issue.

9. Did you know your fathers/mothers side piece?

One of them I did, she lived directly across the street, he was so disrespectful with it he pretended that they were just friends, as an adult I know better.

10. Were there any characteristics or behaviors that made you pick your side piece?

NO. It wasn’t about “picking them” like a pair of shoes, it was never that. It always started with us having a general friendly connection, sometimes… if it was just about attraction when meeting they approached or was aggressive. Sometimes coupled or married women would step up to the plate with emails or text messages that got flirty and suggest that we connect to “hang out” or long hugs and a lot of eye contact…which lead to texts. I have also been blatantly asked by women after a few conversations to be “friends with benefits” kind of lame to flat out and ask like a business deal but they asked, my dating status seemed secondary and more of my issue than their first concern. It was never ever EVER “hey wanna be my side piece? OK cool come over tonight”.

11. Is there anything else you’d like to add?

I think another aspect missing here is the social situation we inherit where women do indeed find it difficult to find a man that suit their desires. Every side situation I was part of, if she was single she was actively dating. I have never seen a woman sitting on her hands waiting for me to get single. It easy to say be alone, buy a toy and just wait but that gets old. I also hear horror stories not just of
dudes not being an “ideal” choice but a lot of single guys are not even a good choices either they are not attracted to the guys that approach them or the ones that do who are attractive are flawed in social or emotional ways or guys they are into are not into them.

These women are put in positions where they are told their standards need to be increased if dealing with coupled men and at the same time told to lower their standards and possibly choose a mate that they may not be that attracted to, and if not told to be happy alone YIKES. I hate to hear people speak of “getting your own partner”, be it a man or a woman as if its as simple as going to the corner store and making it happen. I know some dope people (inside and out) who have been single for YEARS, some for decades who want healthy relationships and can’t find one. This is not to justify anything but pointing out the fact that some people really don’t give to much concern to the random opinions of others when they want something especially when doing the “right thing” does not pay off.

What makes matters worse is the fact that society teaches a lot of women that its the man’s job to approach in what some might considered outdated social standards where she sits and waits to be chosen. Its crazy to be hella lonely, accept there is what seems to be a shortage of qualified men and then play coy and act uninterested waiting for him to buss a move. Yeah some “side pieces” are like “fuck that I need to fuck that.”

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: