Love Advice from the Mistress..

9 Aug

I rarely, if ever post on Saturdays. But I got this in my inbox and I had to share. 

lonely-woman-218x309Dear Mistress of All Things Fabulust,

I have inadvertently given my freedom up, I think. I met this guy, and we had sex the first time I met him. Since then, he’s been staying with me. Even when I went out of town he stayed at my place. When I got back, I found earrings on my nightstand, so I hid them (and packed his clothes. LOL) so I could question him about it when he got back. He came back with his female friend (I later found out that she has a bf) and they both asked me where the earrings were. I lied, because I was embarrassed, but he could tell so he asked me where they were.

I asked her to step out of the room so I could talk to him (I was embarrassed to say it in front of her because she’s his friend, not mine). He asked me where the earrings where, I gave it to him and he stormed off. HE WAS PISSED. Not only because I lied, but because he’s a good guy and he was offended that I thought he would do something that disrespectful.

Anyway, we made up. But not before he had the chance to say some really hurtful things. He told me he wasn’t looking for love or commitment. Me neither, so that’s fine. We are friends, but I am lonely now. I was hanging out with his friends before, but I am the type of person that needs my own friends. I don’t wanna be up under somebody all day. So I wanna start dating again, just for fun. I want to have a fling! Unfortunately, I lack the funds to meet people any other way. I asked my friend and she said this would be disrespectful to him. I disagree.

We are just friends, after all. What do you think?

Signed, 

He said we’re just friends

Dear Just a Friend,

Whew Lawd Jesus! I’m going to keep it 100 percent. So brace yourself.

There is sooooo much wrong with this situation. First, he is not your friend. He is a SQUATTER. A squatter is someone who lives in a place without title, right, or payment of rent. They live for free, eat for free and when they can no longer squat where they are resting their head, they move on to the next victim. You were the next victim when he met you. Trust me..a real man is not moving in with a woman he does not know. He clearly didn’t have a place to rest his head before you. THAT should say something.

Secondly, he told you the other girl was just a friend right? And while that can be true, SO ARE YOU! Do you not get the correlation? HE HAS SEX WITH HIS FRIENDS. As sure as my skin is brown, he fucked that girl in YOUR house while YOU were out of town. No woman takes off her earrings to play UNO sweetheart. They take them off to put in work. He WAS the work. (AND let’s not get on the fact that he brought a woman to your house while you were OUT OF TOWN….FOH)

Third, where is your self esteem? It is your right to have sex with a man on the first date if you please. BUT that does not mean he does not have to court you, pursue you or date you. You say you gave up your freedom, I think you are giving up your dignity. You act like you want a man but your requirements are too low for anything more than a fling. If you don’t require it, he will not provide it. Period.

Lastly, okay..say if you DO really want a fling? I disagree. Flings are fine, as long as you are holding all the cards. You are not holding any cards. FLINGS come and go as they please. You and them. Neither of you are doing any coming and going. If you are trying to have me believe that you only want a fling.. hey..I’m also a unicorn. Do know I’m not buying it though.  Women who want only flings don’t use words like lonely or bring up conversations about relationships and commitment. NOR do they allow men who they don’t know to take up residence in their home. You want a fling, have a fling. But right now it sounds like you’re settling for what someone is willing to give you.

FINAL VERDICT 

I say kick his ass out. Pack his bags (if he isn’t already gone), change your locks and go about the business of getting your life in order so that when a real man does approach you, you’re ready for the experience. Because HIS expectations are going to be high for you and you need to prepared to be a Queen for your King.

With love,

The Mistress of All Things Fabulust

 

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One Response to “Love Advice from the Mistress..”

  1. artisan219 August 9, 2014 at 2:01 pm #

    From how you described your situation, I’m picking up on a few major themes. One, you slept with a guy the first time you met him. There’s a stigma to that for a reason. I’ve done it, I think a lot of people have, but sex the first time makes growing as a couple difficult. I had a two-year relationship that started off as a one-night fling from a New Year’s party, but generally it just becomes very awkward. I’m not judging, like I said, I’ve done it. But my point is that you need to look back on that first time and decide to yourself why it happened so quickly. Was he really that smooth, was he really all that you wanted, or were you just at a point where you needed physical intimacy.

    We are ingrained to associate sex with relationships. There are very good reasons for this, and I’m not knocking them. But all the same, I think overall, we’re a little Puritanical when it comes to recreational sex, especially when it comes to women. But the truth is simply that just because you had sex with him, it doesn’t make him your boyfriend. I’m not going to tell you not to have a fling. But a fling is supposed to be casual and easily disposable. From what you described, this relationship probably should have just been a fling and nothing more. But he ended up living with you and you’re the only one that can really answer how that happened.

    Which takes us to the other factor. You said you feel a little lonely, and you want to hang out, but you need to do that in a different way. Don’t worry about having the funds to do something else. Just stop doing what you’re doing first. If you feel it isn’t working for you, then before you do anything else, just stop. It’s keeping you from moving on, you feel like you’re still part of his clique of friends, it isn’t helping.

    Here’s what i used to do. It might not work for you, but it worked for me. It only takes maybe an hour or so, doesn’t cost more than $20. Go to Barnes & Noble, find a good book, something that interests you, buy a coffee, and sit for awhile. I find sometimes the easiest way to get out of a funk is to find where you are in your own head. Read, watch the people come and go. If you’re lucky, you may get to talk to some people. If not, then no big deal. The point here is that you are you’re own person, and you need to see first and foremost that you are okay. Don’t be scared of being alone. You have to be your own best friend sometimes, and this seems like one of those times. After awhile of sitting with your coffee or latte, after a few chapters of your book, you’ll start to notice that you’ve stopped noticing everyone else in the bookstore.

    Nothing is harder to achieve in life than the courage to change, but you need to work on you, take care of yourself, and find your own confidence. And when you find that, that’s when you can have your fling.

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