Quench Your Thirst: Don’t Be Thirsty

There is a word that we use where I am from to describe someone who is desperate for the attention of someone (any someone) of the opposite sex. The word is called “thirsty”.  Freedictionary.com refers to it as craving something but urbandictionary.com refers to it as being desperate, wanting or needy. You can be a thirsty guy or a thirsty girl, but guaranteed once you’ve gained that title within a circle of people you may as well walk around like Hester from “The Scarlett Letter”. Just go ahead and rock a big ole red “T” on your clothes because from now going forward thirsty you will remain. Having been single for all of 5 minutes, I readily admit that I am NOT ready or interested in dating. However, should I become so inclined I figure I’d give some helpful tips for guys who are brave enough to approach me. I’m actually quite approachable as long as you don’t do any of the following. AND feel free to apply these to any woman you’re interested in. Trust me we all pretty much feel the same way.

1. Don’t STARE: Men, that shit is just rude. Now I know my derriere is quite bootylicious. I’m also aware how said derriere looks in spandex, lycra, skinny jeans, leather and anything clingy. It looks freaking awesome. Do I expect you to look? Yes. I’d be offended if you didn’t take a gander. Hell, when I see a woman looking bootylicious I look too. BUT I DON’T GAWK. It’s called a mental photograph, not a mental video. Take a look and look away. Otherwise you look obvious, desperate and you guessed it THIRSTY. Not only am I NOT going to give you my number, but I’m going to write about you on my blog (case and point) and laugh at you with my girlfriends.
2. Don’t like 100 of my FB pictures: At least not at once! Have you ever been on FB and received a friend request and two seconds later see your notification window go CRAZY! I’m going to assume you either JUST joined FB or no one has ever liked any of your pictures or stats EVER. Otherwise, how do I explain the obnoxious number of notifications saying Mr. Thirsty Guy has liked every picture in every album you have ever appeared in? You do know I see you right? You do realize it’s CREEPY right? It’s fine to look but if I start seeing you liked every comment, status or picture I appear in you go from that nice guy I met to the potential stalker. No thanks.
3. Don’t talk about sex before it’s happened: This one should be a no brainer right? WRONG! *le sigh* So many guys get this wrong. Is it over enthusiasm? It’s either that or blue balls. Either way its wack. Maybe when I was 21 and much younger and dumber (no offense to the young ladies). Maybe when I was only interested in purely sexual relationships? Maybe before I knew any better about how a MAN (not boy) conducted himself with a WOMAN (not girl). But I just consulted my calendar and Maybeday does not appear anywhere so you’re out of luck. Fellas, if you want to get lucky don’t talk about getting lucky. Sexual chemistry happens naturally, not through osmosis. So not matter how much you talk about it, if I’m not interested it’s not going to happen. And again, talking about it makes you look AWESOME thirsty!
4. Don’t SWEAT me: Now this one may be a difficult concept for most men (and women) to understand. Complimenting=Good but Brown Nosing=Bad. Please feel free to tell me that you think I’m beautiful or that you appreciate me getting all dolled up for a date. Women love to know that their hard word is noticed. However, telling me that I am legendary or famous because you see me a lot on Facebook and other social networking sites, not so much. I’m not Beyonce or Lady Gaga. I know it and you know it. Acting star struck is weird for both of us. Please stop.
5. What would your # 5 be? What would you add to the list or take off? Send me something really good and I’ll publish it on the blog!

Sincerely,

The Mistress of All Things Thirsty Fabulous